Friday, December 29, 2006

« Redneck Dickshunary »*6

Howdee, folks. Cletis Clyde here. I'm gwanna take over this here Blog fer the night. To get things rollin', I reckon I should 'splain the pitcher down yonder.

See-in' as a bunch of ya ain't too durn smart when it comes to such things all carnal like, I'll bring you up to snuff jest like me. Tarnation, this is stuff that any 22 year-old sixth grader should knows by now.
....In the new 'dition of the Redneck Dickshunary, y'all will find:
· shebangs - n, v; a quality found in a good woman. (Cletis never dates a girl unless shebangs.)
....That should help ya figger out the cartoon with no more help frum me.

Well, I got to thinkin' and lawd, I done thunk up myself a whoppin' good idea fer this here post. They must be thousands, maybe a hunnert words some of y'all might not be educated with. So I said to myself, Cletis you should be teachin' them readers out there some more words from your dickshunary.
....So's I jest closed my eyes and placed my finger upon a bunch of words that were purty good for teachin'. Now y'all jest sit back and take a sip from yer jug and bite off a plug of tobacky and let ol' Cletis learn ya a few new words.
Fer those of you out there what might be a touch dumb, I'm gonna pervide the pernounciation, the defnition, a sentence and a translation 'tended fer you Yankees what might be readin' this here Blog.

· yacht- (yät) n,v; Word which precedes advice. (Yacht to get new tars fer yer truck.) (Translation: You ought).

· poster- (pose-ter)adj,prep Accepted behavior. (We ain't poster remove them tags from the mattress. (Translation: Supposed to).

· official- (uh-fish-ul) n,v; The fate of aquatic creatures. (Official taste better if pan-ried in butter.) (Translation: A fish will).

· inherit- (in-hair-et)prep, adv; An indoor location. (Got any air freshener out there? Inherit stinks.) (Translation: In here it).

· odyssey- (ä-duh-see) v; Brought to the attention of another, something noticed. (You odyssey the rack on her! ) (Translation: Ought to see).

· waterfront- (wät-er-frunt)pron,adv; Used to express interest in the appearance of a female with her back to you. (Nice ass! I wonder waterfront looks like.) (Translation: What her front).

· neurotic- (new-rät-ick) n,adj; Recent sex stuff. (Billy Bob, you seen the neurotic dancer down at Porky's? (Translation: New erotic).

· enclose- (in-kloze)prep,n; Wearing garments. (She looks better nekkid than enclose.) (Translation: In clothes).

I reckon that is enough fer one day of lessons fer y'all folks. That's a heapin' lot a learnin' even fer a purty good student like me. I think you need a nice long recess. Hows 'bout joinin' me fer a drink? Yacht to.
....We can go over to Porky's and check out that neurotic dancer. We odyssey waterfront looks like when she's not enclose.

*(Based on the humor of Jeff Foxworthy)



Jack K. said...

Ain't Jeff wunnerful?

Thanks for stopping when you did. My brain began to get fogged with all that werk and my ribs started to ake so much mi sides hurt.


Scary Monster said...

Howdy agin. Me have th' feelin' thet yer testin' all of us no'therners t'see eff'n Me kin communicut below th' Mason-dixon. as enny fool kin plainly see, ah don' knows if ah can manage mo'e than a comment.
A pos'd be far too difficult fer a critter dat caint git da piss from outta Me boot wit instrucshuns wrote onna bottum

Miss Cellania said...

Funny! But yer audience must be pretty much citified iffen they need those translations.

Miss Cellania said...

That wuz me, Miss Cellania.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Cletis.

Serena said...

Tee-hee-hee. Now you'se talkin' lak we'uns does in mah neck o' da woods. Too funny!

Val said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog (which I've shamefully neglected the last few months).

Loved the Dickshunary. Have to admit that I was well into my adulthood when I realised that the mattress or pillow wasn't going to explode or anything if those tags were removed.

Nankin said...

Reminds me of my ex-mother-in-law. "Nuttin I likes batter than a mess o' biled taters."

kenju said...

Happy New Year!

jules said...

Hey, when did he get loose and come visit you? I thought I had him locked up in the bedroom.

Fred said...

I love Jeff. We're a redneck family at heart.

Have a Happy New Year!