Saturday, May 26, 2007

STAR WARS - 30th


When the doorbell rang the woman was laboring on her hands and knees on a soiled spot on her brand new Zaurillian carpet. She had hoped that she could clean it before anyone visited. She slammed the brush onto the floor. So much for that idea.

"C3PO, get the door, please," she called to the next room. There was no response to a second and third request as the door bell rang again. She shook her head, wondering what the hell that damned prissy droid was up to now?

She struggled to her feet and looked over at the monitor that showed the front entrance. It was her brother, Luke. "Well," she sighed, "If it isn't the Jedi Master, himself!"

She shuffled toward the door. It seemed that she never heard from him at all unless there was a crisis somewhere out there in the galaxy. The last time he and Han were gone for six months without so much a postcard.

Before she could reach the door it swung open at the raised hand of the man dressed in black with a long flowing cape. She frowned in dismay, he was always showing off any chance he had to use the force.

"Leia!" he announced with outstretched arms. "How's my favorite sister?"

"I'm your only sister, Luke!" she exclaimed as he strutted past her.

He stopped at the center of the room and looked upon the spot on the carpet his sister had been scrubbing. "What happened here, Leia?"

She couldn't control her anger and screeched, "That damned Wookie was never house broken!"


"Aw, who the hell knows what he's chewing? He always eating something. It doesn't matter if its dead or alive!" she said. "...And when he has to go, he goes .. no matter where he is!"

"Chewy is here?"

"No. Han sent him off on some errand for something."

"And where is my favorite brother-in-law?"

She sneered, "He received his new issue of Galaxy Girl today. He's probably in the bathroom. Why do think they call him Solo?"

"Aha. That's the issue with "The Girls of Arcturus."

"Yuck. Naked Arcturian women? They have four breasts - two on their chests and two on their backs! They're freaks."

"Maybe so, sis. But they sure are fun to dance with."

"Master Luke!" There appeared from the next room rolling on the floor a shiny golden head belonging to one C3PO. It came to rest at Skywalker's feet. "I thought I heard your voice."

Luke shook his head, "C3PO, how many times have I told you not to lose your head?"

The eyes blinked up at him, "Oh no, Master Luke. I know where my head is - it's my body that appears to be missing."

"Luke!" The unmistakable voice could only belong to his old friend, Han Solo. They embraced heartily. The pair at once launched themselves into a testosterone-laced exchange of each other's latest adventures. With these two around, the war against the evil Empire could never be forgotten.

"So what brings you to this corner of the galaxy, Luke?" Han asked. He knew it wasn't a social call. Luke never showed up unless he needed help to save the galaxy.

"How is that old rust bucket, The Millennium Falcon, running these days, Han?" Luke knew that Han didn't like his ship to be referred to as anything less than a great spaceship.

However, this day Han surprised him. "I'm afraid I sold her for scrap two years ago, Luke." He noticed sadness on Luke's countenance, "She had over 200 trillion light years on her. She didn't owe me anything." He paused and looked Luke in the eyes, "Not to worry, kid. I replaced her with a newer model - The Millennum Taurus."

"That's great, Han. We're going to need a good ship," Luke said. He was impressed with Han's choice - a Falcon to a Taurus was indeed an upgrade.

"Aha! So where are we off to now? Is there another buildup of Empire insurgence somewhere?"

( To be continued ...? )



Miss Cellania said...

That's why they call him Solo! The Millenium Taurus. That's priceless! Weird, but priceless!

Scary Monster said...

Have you ever driven a Taurus? Kak!
Anyone who got as much gelt as "Hand Solo" did should at least get a Millenium T-bird for his mid-life crisis.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

"In the bathroom"? Hee ha.