Revenge of the Writers Guild

(Health Update: Let me thank everyone who has expressed concern and given me well wishes over the past three weeks. The cellulitis is clearing up, but it has been a slow healing process. It is looking favorably that I will be returning to work next week, but that decision is in the doctors' hands. I have been obeying the doctors' orders and am keeping my leg elevated as much as possible. The rest, the hot compresses and the seemingly endless ingestion of antibiotics are working their magic.)
(the Bewitched Bionic Woman)
In light of the recently resolved writers strike, the networks have found themselves running around like the proverbial headless chicken in attempt to salvage the seasons of their many programs. It seems, however, that there was slight problem.

Somehow, all of the previous scripts, lists of cast members and plot lines, etc., were left on the producers' desks. To make matters worse, some files of programs no longer being aired were also stacked on the desks. As luck would have it some clumsy office cleaner knocked those files onto the floor, scattering the paperwork all over the floor. With no time to properly sort the files, the writers were given equal handfuls and sent on their way to do their thing.

Oh my, it sure looks likes that the story lines and cast members were slightly mixed up. If you are confused as what to watch to catch up on your favorite programs, perhaps the following will help.

1. Desperate Housewives: Friday Night Lights - The girls get so desperate that they seduce the players of both teams during half-time in the middle of a football stadium. Will either team will be able to get up for the second half?

2. Biography: Nip/Tuck - The Joan Rivers Story - Synopsis: self explanatory

3. Lost at Meerkat Manor - The stranded group find themselves caught in the middle of a vicious battle between two clans of meerkats.

4. Scrubs Survivor - The Survivor hopefuls face their toughest challenge yet when they must undergo surgery from interns without malpractice insurance.

5. Gilmore Girls Gone Wild - The girls let more than their hair down while on vacation.

6. Dr. Phil - You're Fired! - Finally exposed as a phony psychologist created by the delusional Oprah, Donald Trump has his say.

7. Prison Break/Boston Legal - The prisoners succeed this time by opening up a law practice.

8. The Bewitched Bionic Woman - Jamie learns that in addition to her bionic enhancements, she do magical things by twitching her bionic lips.

9. The All-New Simpsons - The original cartoon characters are replaced by Jessica, Ashlee and O.J. and the audience never notices.

FILE THIS UNDER: HUH?
The Cott Beverage Company has announced a new line of flavored bottled waters. In and of itself, that announcement isn't extraordinary. This line of waters, however, isn't exactly ordinary.

Cott will soon be distributing bottled waters for pooches. FortiFido is designed for the discriminating pallates of our canine friends. While the water is safe for human consumption, it is designed specifically for dogs.

The line of waters will be available in four flavors:

(1) -The Peanut Butter flavor will contain calcium to promote the growth Fido's healthy bones.
(2) -Parsley will contain zinc for healthy skin.
(3) -Spearmint is designed to eliminate bad doggy breath.
(4) -Lemongrass promises to help your dog maintain healthy joints.

I can only guess it will be just a matter of time before someone comes out with Cat Water, Pot-Bellied Pig Water, Ferret Water, etc.

Why am I thirsty all of a sudden?

No.1272