Monday, February 18, 2008

Sarcasm Takes Center Stage

SARCASM -(Sar-chasm) - The gap between what you and everyone else thinks is funny.

Here is a smattering of some sarcasm in its usual guise as ... insults. Some are directed at women, some at men and some of a more general tone. You may find that you have some well-deserved targets of your own worthy of these verbal broadsides.

They've yet to make the man who can compete with a chocolate dildo.

My wife doesn't like guilt trips, she owns the travel agency.

I only fake it so he'll buy me stuff.

I still miss my "EX" but my aim is improving.

Choose your words carefully. Anything you say may be thrown back in your face with vicious sarcasm.

No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

My wife keeps saying I never listen to her ... or something like that.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I was aiming for your balls.

If size doesn't matter, why aren't there four-inch dildos?

It's not premarital sex if you're not planning on getting married.

His wild oats have turned into shredded wheat.

Where have you been all my life and why didn't you stay there?

Why do I have to get married? I didn't do anything wrong.

A man is incomplete until he gets married. Then he is finished.

I've never expected anything from you and you've always come through for me.

Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bullshit around your lips.

You look like a Greek God - that big mother with one eye!

I see you're playing stupid again. It looks like you're winning!

Cancel my subscription. I don't need your issues.

I'd tell you to go screw yourself, but from what I've heard you wouldn't be very good at it.

Those who say it cannot be done, shouldn't be interrupting us doing it.

Thanks for telling me to get a life! Want me to grab one for you while I'm at it?

Why don't you slip into something nice ... like unconsciousness.

If I gave a shit, you'd be the first person I'd give it to.

You have no idea how much planning and effort goes into my casual disinterest of your opinions.

If you are part of the solution, I'll stick to the problem.

Keep America beautiful. Lock yourself in a closet.

I'd like to see things your way, but is it possible for two heads to fit up your ass at the same time?

Take a few of these gems if you'd like and share them with, but don't limit them to, your friends, families and enemies.



Jude Allen said...

LOL, good post Mike. There is a huge sarcasm gap here between the wife and myself, maybe I should let her read this post! keep 'em coming!

Skunkfeathers said...

These are two of my personal favs, though I don't tend to use 'em on family or real friends:

1. Let me pick your brain; you might get a working one this time.

2. Are you a moron by birth or choice? Curiosity trumped discretion, y'see...

Jack K. said...


Good stuff as usual.

Hale McKay said...


I like your two favs, especially the first one.

Hale McKay said...


A word of warning, if your wife reads them, you might be giving her a loaded weapon to turn against you.

Queenie said...

I know who I'm using the "wipe your mouth " on.
This isn't sarcasm but I like it
IMPOTENCE- nature's way of saying "no hard feeling's".

Hale McKay said...

LOL - Queenie,

"Impotence - nature's way of saying no hard feelings!"

I like it, I like it.

Queenie said...

Thought you would!