Saturday, June 13, 2009

In the Nood For Love

See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. And ... NO?

Blame It On the Economy !

Nude Dip In the Lake

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying
in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds, and I know what you are thinking."

"Impossible", said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"

"Yes", the lady replied, "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."

How Does Your Garden Grow?

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day while taking a stroll she came upon a gentlemen neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

Well, the woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

Two Priests In The Shower

One morning 2 priests head to the showers and it isn't until they are already in the shower they both realize they did not bring any soap.

Father Bob decides he'll run back for the soap, he checks out the hallway, no one is around so rather than get dressed he decides to make a run for it. He checks the
hall before heading back to the showers - all clear, so he makes a break for it.

Just as he turns the corner to the showers he spots three nuns walking towards him. With no where to go he stands perfectly still, holding the 2 bars of soap hoping the nuns will think he's a statue.

The nuns approach, "Oh my, look at that! Isn't that the most life like statue you've ever seen?" the first asks.

She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's tally whacker. Startled he drops the 1st bar of soap. "Oh heavens," she exclaims, "I got a bar of soap".

The 2nd nun amazed at how realistic the statue looked steps closer and again, a couple of tugs on the priest's tally whacker and he drops the other bar of soap "My
goodness, I got a bar of soap too". The nuns can't believe it.

The 3rd nun, overcome by the miracle statue, walks up to it and gives a couple of tugs, "My God this is amazing," she says, "I got hand soap!!"

Why do some women think that everything must match in a bedroom?

Q. Who is the most popular guy at a nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and a dozen donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at a nudist colony?
A. The girl who can eat the last donut.

The Bee Sting

Two women, a blonde and a brunette, are playing golf at a nudist resort one day. They had completed the first hole were walking to the second tee when the brunette was stung by a bee.

"Wow, that really hurts." she said to her friend, "I think I might be allergic."

"Let's go to the pro shop and see if they have anything that can help," said her friend, "We can come back and finish our round later."

As they entered the shop the local pro greeted them and asked if he could help.

"I just got stung by a bee out there on the course," said the brunette, "What should I do about it?"

"Where were you stung?" asked the pro.

"Between holes one and two." replied the woman.

"Well," said the pro, rubbing his chin, "you might want to start by closing your stance a bit."

What happens if you are a male posing nude for an art class when a sexy student gets your attention? Check out Marbles to find out. It's funny!



Skunkfeathers said...

DOH...the old "bottomless bucket" ploy ;)

Sandee said...

Loved the bucket story and the priest one too.

I'm in awe of the dozen donuts though.

Have a great day. :)

Hale McKay said...


It's possible the bottomless bucket ploy is the forerunner of the infamous "popcorn" ploy at movie theaters.

Hale McKay said...


You're in awe of the dozen donuts? I'll bet there are a lot of men who are envious!