Absolutely Resolute

I Hereby Absolve ...

I Hereby Dissolve ...

I Hereby Resolve ...
I, Hale McKay, being of sound? mind, do heretofore and hereby solemnly resolve, under duress and witness to the scrutiny of my peers, to make and to adhere to the following resolutions forthwith:

Resolution № 1:
... To cut back smoking to only two packs of cigarettes per day, and to limit such consumption to only after the cessation of sex.

Amendment 1-a: One pack ?

Amendment 1-b: One cigarette ?

Amendment 1-c: On the slim chance sex occurs.

Amendment 2: Cancel Resolution № 1 *¹

*¹(Note: Resolutions should not be onerous, difficult or impossible to achieve.)

I, Hale McKay, being of sound? mind, do heretofore and hereby solemnly resolve, under duress and witness to the scrutiny of my peers, to make and to adhere to the following resolutions forthwith:

Resolution № 2
... To make NO resolutions for the New Year. *²

*² (Note: By making this Resolution, i.e., Resolution № 2, to make NO resolutions, the success to adhere to said Resolution № 2 will be enhanced exponentially.)

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions!


(The concluding installment of "The Quill and the Quire" will appear on Monday, Jan. 4, 2010.)

№ 1877