Monday, February 14, 2011

An Arrow Thru the Heart

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Anonymous

A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift

Johnny asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

"Yes," came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, "I've bought her a belt and a bag."

"That was very thoughtful of you," Johnny added, "I hope she appreciated the thought."

Tony smiled as he replied, "So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now."

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SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship for Valentine's day, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good kisser, and a girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Kiss me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (405) 865-5675 and ask for Daisy.

Over 12,000 'Romeos' phoned and found themselves talking to the Memphis Humane Society about an 7-week old Labrador retriever dog.

Men are so easy....

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A man, obviously drunk, staggered into a bar on Valentine's Day and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated there, walked up to her and gave her kiss in honor of Valentine's Day.

She jumped up and slapped him really hard. He immediately apologized and explained, "Look, I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed at the top of her voice.

"Funny," the drunk muttered, shaking his head, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Paul went to the shopping mall this last week to buy Valentines' cards for his daughter and mother.

The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounded him. Paul muttered out loud, "I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives?"

The shopkeeper, behind the counter said, "Oh, yes sir, they do have an "ex" category, but they're in Sporting Goods."

"Really?" queried Paul.

"Yes sir. They're called darts."

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Hallmark - Rejected Valentine Greetings

10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk / But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

9. Our love will never become cold and hollow / Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8. I bought this Valentine`s card at the store / In hopes that, later, you`d be my whore.

7. This feels so good, it feels so right / I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class / Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished / But now I'm fulfilled.. . SO MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!

4. Through all the things that came to pass / Our love has grown.. . but so's your ass.

3. You're a honey.. . and you're a cutie / I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2. I don`t wanna be sappy or silly or corny / So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister / You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

♥ ♥ ♥ Happy Valentine's Day ♥ ♥ ♥



Sandee said...

You are such the romantic. I loved the Single Black Female one the very best.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


Romantic - that's me!