Sunday, February 20, 2005

Finnegan's Atoll

(Theme Song: Just sit right back and please read my blog, A blog stolen from a TV script, That started from my black Pilot pen, Aboard a sorry little ship.)
~ It started out as a short trip to Catalina. The Guppy had been refitted but not declared seaworthy. The captain, B. Butz (not affectionately called Big Butz around the marina) had blown his bank account on a weekend of carousing. He was going over the guest list for the Guppy's first cruise of the day. It was quite a list of characters for a three hour tour. Finnegan, the mate, swabbing the decks was trying without success to hide the fact that he had not used a bucket of water, but paint remover instead.
~ The five passengers, punctually late, were finally aboard. The oil tycoon had tripped and fallen from the gang plank into the polluted water in which this scow sat. He had tried to break his fall by grabbing at his teenage secretary, instead managing to tear the brief dress from her body. As she was wearing no underwear, she threw her small suit case in which the underwear she wasn't wearing was, in attempt to cover strategic parts of her body. The case struck the head of the computer geek, causing him to fall forward into the movie star, leaving them tangled in such a way that one could envision they were performing the dirty deed. The movie star, as it turned out was a porno star, thinking the camera was rolling, promptly tried to make the scene more realistic, began to remove as much of hers and his clothing as possible. The captain, deeming the teenager's position more dire, ignored the floundering tycoon in the water, and offered his hands as possible cover for those strategic parts of her nubile body. His awkward rush to her rescue caused his pants to slip down to his knees, resulting in him tackling her, wherein they also ended up in a compromising position. Emerging from around the cabin, Finnegan witnessed the scene, and thinking that he was missing out on an orgy, tried to remove his shirt forgetting he was holding a mop and bucket in one hand, which resulted with the shirt bunched on his arm. Pulling the shirt back over his head, and switching the mop and bucket to the other hand, once again tried to remove his shirt with same results. His mop handle however, tripped Carrie Ann, sending the bucket flying away and onto the head of the tycoon who had just managed to crawl back onto the gang plank, thus knocking him back into the water. As she looked around, she too thought an orgy was underway and grabbing the mop handle thought Finnegan was glad to see her, and proceeded to pull him down into a position more suitable to the goings on around them.
(Theme Song; Verse Two: The mate was a thin rail of a man, The skipper large and unsure. The five passengers out to see the sights, On a three hour tour ...A three hour tour.)
~ After the initial confusion of boarding, the Guppy finally chugged and coughed its way out to sea. The crew and the passengers were none the less for wear. Although they exchanged embarrassed glances at one another, they had decided to make the best of it.
~ Though it was raining and there were gale force winds, it was a nice day for a cruise. The tycoon did manage to fall overboard once, but a freak wave re-deposited him back on deck of the boat. The hemline of the secretary's dress was lifting and dropping with the wind gusts. The skipper, holding his pants up with one hand, was deftly steering the boat with the other. The computer geek was hit in the face three times with the same puke that Carrie Ann had hurled five minutes earlier. The porn star offered to help the captain with his pants, to which he readily agreed, even though she kept losing her grip dropping them forcing her to pull them back up. From behind them, this looked rather curious. Finnegan, the bright mate that he was, determined there was a storm brewing. With all her clothes wet, Carrie Ann had changed into a tiny bikini with spaghetti ties. That proved not to be so smart as a sudden gust blew both pieces off into the storm. Seeing this, Finnegan cried out, "No bikini at all!" This got the skipper's attention, "No
Bikini Atoll? We are way off course!"
(Theme Song; Verse Three: The weather had gotten so rough, That this tiny boat was tossed. If not for the passengers' help, The Guppy would be lost .. The Guppy would be lost.)
~ It was the next day when Finnegan awoke. He was lying in the sand, and there was no sign of the others. He stood up to discover he was wearing the secretary's tiny dress and it just barely covered him where he should be covered. He grinned at the thought of just what she might be wearing now. Following some footprints in the sand, he found the others. A curious look came to his face. The computer nerd was wearing Carrie Ann's tiny bikini. The porn star had fashioned herself an outfit of grass and palm leaves, all of which moved with her body, revealing then hiding her charms. The tycoon was kneeling trying to get a drink of water from a fresh water lagoon, promptly losing his balance and falling in. Carrie Ann had on the tight see-through body suit the porn star had worn earlier. He heard a scream and saw the secretary running in fear, her nude body glistening in the hot sun. Then there appeared the skipper giving chase to her. He would almost catch her, but then his pants would fall down, tripping him. He pulled up his pants and resumed the hunt, bumping into the tycoon as he climbed out the water, knocking him right back into the water. He reached out, tearing the body suit from Carrie Ann, causing her to throw a coconut, which struck the head of the nerd, his falling motion causing the bikini to fall off onto the ground, where it became tangled in the secretary's feet, tripping her into Finnegan with the bottom of the skirt flying up, causing him to grab the porn star's grass skirt....
(Theme Song; Verse Four: The ship was lost, Aground on an uncharted isle, With Finnegan, The fat skipper, The tycoon and his secretary, The porn star, The Puter nerd, and Carrie Ann, Here on Finnegan's Isle.)
(No phone, No TV, No Pizza Shops, Not a single change of clothes. Like Robinson Crusoe As primitive and naked as can be.)
~No. 43

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