Thursday, April 28, 2005

Cow Pie In Your Face

This could well be but the first in a series of periodic nominations of those certain individuals who have exhibited in actions or words, questionable behavior. In time this list will grow as more nominees are added. Only those who sink to the lowly station of pond scum have a chance to receive a " Cow Pie In Your Face Award."
~ In the near future, the growing list of nominees will be graded and ranked based upon the callousness of their misdeeds. The Cow Pie will come in five varieties, or "flavors," each recognizing different degrees of demerit. The Meadow Muffin, indicating a fresh deposit, will be worth 5 points. A Pasture Burger, crusty on the outside but having a soft center, will earn 4 points. Worth 3 points, the Country Flapjack is characterized by a flattened shape, crusty but pliable. The Cow Chip, a 2 pointer, is also crusty but brittle. Worth only 1 point, the Field Frisbee is hard and flat enough that it can be hurled and will sail great distances.
~ Who will receive the first Cow Pie? As you no doubt observed above, the Pointmeister doesn't believe in using conventional pies. There will be no meringues, no whipped creams, and no shaving cream pies used at this awards ceremony. They are much to easy to clean up after. These nominees deserve an award that reflects the stupidity of their actions.
~ Recently in the news, and thus recently having displayed actions worthy of a Cow Pie in the face, the following have the honor of being on the initial list of nominees, they are listed based upon the "flavor" of the Cow Pie they received in the face.
~ Cardinal Bernard Law gets a Meadow Muffin and 5 points. This arrogant Catholic Priest's vestments are as soiled his legacy. He continually protected his pedophile brethren with absolutely no remorse for the victims. Terri Shaivo's mother gets a Pasture Burger. While her 4 points places her behind Law, it is just barely. This self-righteous woman placed her own agenda ahead of her daughter's dignity and seemed to care little for her quality of life. Getting 3 points with a Country Flapjack, Michael Jackson is being afforded a little levity. While this 47 year old man acts like a 14 year old, he definitely has some issues and should be placed under psychiatric care, there are reasonable doubts surrounding his guilt. Also worthy of Country Flapjack and 3 points, Kobe Bryant will also get a benefit of doubt. Kobe was probably innocent of rape and more than likely his accuser was a willing participant. His faux pas was just simply allowing himself to get into that position in the first place. The girl probably should have been nominated in tandem with Kobe. A Cow Chip and 2 points goes to the one and only Martha Stewart. Had she admitted her guilt and not lied to the Federal Jury in the first place, she wouldn't have been offered a sniff of a Cow Pie. Finally, we have the Senator from Massachusetts, John Kerry. Since this is the very first of the nominations, there had to be at least one to receive a Field Frisbee and the 1 point.
~ There you have it, the inaugural nominees, a veritable rogues gallery, for the Cow Pie In Your Face Awards. The flavors awarded thus far are of course based upon my own personal views. You may or may not happen to agree with my list.
~ To make this work like I have envisioned it, I need help. If you would like to vote and hurl your own Cow Pie, feel free to click on comments. State your flavor and the nominee you think deserves a Cow Pie. If you happen to think any of the nominees do not deserve Cow Pies, you can make that statement and give the nominee a 0 (zero). Eventually your flavor points will be added those already in place. After a while, who knows, the Cardinal might fall down the list. Martha Stewart may climb the list.
~ You can also make a nomination of someone you'd like to see with Cow Pie in their face. Please feel free to do so, also in the comments. As the votes accumulate I will update the lists with standings and points. If there happens to be enough interest, there could very well be a an end of the year winner who could win "The Great Fertilizer Award."

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