Sunday, June 26, 2005

Southern Bride Chicken

While touring the Blogosphere, I made a scheduled stop at Karyn's blog. ( ) Her Freaky Friday feature touched upon the (in)famous Runaway Bride. Discussed was the possible answer for her flight. She may be right. But others might be right too. For that matter, I might also be correct in my analyses. Truth is, we may never know.
~ A week or so ago, I was preparing a blog on "Runaway Bride" and "Grounded Groom," but I was waiting for the results of the interview with Katie Couric before I posted it. To my chagrin, I should have known, the hostess handled her with kid gloves.
~ Going in, I anticipated a "tart-a-thon," with Katie in her usual tight short skirt and Runaway in a really tight shirt. While morning TV watchers are familiar with Katie's gams, America didn't know about Jennifer Wilbanks' implants. I wondered if Katie, as she crossed and uncrossed her legs with each question, would ask about the compatibility of Runaway and her fiance, John Mason. Mason, a "re-virginized" Southern Baptist before they met, as well as Church, would have a serious problem with an "implanted" wife. Might she have a problem with a revirginized husband? Was she having a problem with such a fiance?
~ But Katie never went there. The whole thing seemed contrived, rehearsed and even scripted. Though Katie did ask Jennifer why she went on the lam, she avoided an obvious opening crying for pursuit. Runaway hinted that she and the betrothed one actually discussed her possible trip the night before the wedding.
~ One should wonder why Katie missed that cue, shouldn't one? That's when it dawned on me. The reason she didn't follow through, was because she wasn't supposed to go there. It is painfully obvious, Jennifer and John were getting paid, and handsomely for this appearance on national TV.
~ NBC, of course, denies that they paid anything. Since confirmed, but only conjectured that night, Runaway Bride and Grounded Groom had already inked a package book deal for their stories worth $500,000 each. Now would NBC pay, let's say $100,000 for the TV interview, knowing full well there would be a large ratings spike? Of course they would!
~ With a tug on a string and a string there, all the loose ends are starting to fall in place. Remember that hint about the pre-disappearance discussion between the soon-to-be-marrieds? Cha-ching! Cha-ching! Did you hear the cash register too?
~ There you have it, folks. A cleverly contrived hoax on all of us. "Look, John, I'll go out west for a few days. I'll call in a few days later and claim to have been kid-napped. It'll make the headlines everywhere! Then when we have national sympathy, and we will have, I'll come clean. I just got scared at the last moment. Sure, it will shock some people. But look at how big our story will be. They'll beat down our doors to get the book rights. Hey, there might even be a movie! Who do think will play us? That Southern Baptist revirginized thing works well too."
( I have a suggestion for the title of the book. I am easy, a $50,000 stipend will do. The title? Southern Bride Chicken For The Soul.)


Karyn Lyndon said...

Interesting theory but I didn't think they looked or acted that smart. Americans are just stupid enough to pay for their story and they are just smart enough to accept the TV, publishers and film makers offers. (I wouldn't turn them down either.)

If it was premeditated I would at least take a change of clothes and enough money to get a room and NO amount of money or publicity would make me cut my own hair...especially knowing I would soon be on Insanity is the only explanation IMHO.

Oh, and I really LOVE your title.


the many Bs said...

That's an interesting theory, kind of a conspiracy thing made up just for the money. That's not a very 'christian' kind of deception, though, is it? I'm not even sure I agree with Karyn's wedding night jitters theory. I may be a huge sucker, but I thought that Runaway came off as being sincere. I got the impression that she's just immature and impulsive. But then, I'm no one to judge. I believe any sad story.