Friday, December 23, 2005

I Can't Believe It's Not Better

I can't believe I was served I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. I for one, couldn't believe that it would taste like it's not butter. I believe it was too much to expect, to expect it to really taste like butter. So I flagged down the waitress. She couldn't believe that I'd asked for some of those little pads. I couldn't believe what she brought was such a crock! It was Country Crock! I still can't believe that I ate something called I Can't Believe It's Not Butter and thought to myself, "It doesn't taste like butter." Can you believe it?
....I couldn't believe that someone would invent something I don't believe is butter, and have the audacity to name it I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. You know what? I believe this is the classic oxymoron.

Maybe those brilliant minds would be better served to invent something that you wouldn't believe it wasn't what it is, instead of what it isn't. I can't imagine this is making any sense. Hey, you Einstein wannabees, why not invent something that'll make me say, "I can't believe I was served I Can't Believe It's Not Liver," and it wasn't?

How about applying some of that brain power to some new technology? You could create some new advancements in reproduction products, like say ... I Can't Believe It's Not Memorex ? Is it Memorex or ...? Just think of it, with a little modification, fashion photographers could touch up the models photos with I Can't Believe It's Not Mammarex !

Pretty soon, other industries could take the idea and run with it. Maybe Yamaha or Honda would turn the world of bikers upside down. This product would appeal to both men and women. "Honey, vacuum the rugs before you play Easy Rider." Get your motor runnin' ... Head out in the hallway!

I Can't Believe It's Not a Motor Cycle could run one ad campaign for the women: "Ladies, your man can have a bike and vacuum too." They could also run ads for the I Can't Believe It's Not a Vacuum Cleaner : "Bikers, get the best of two worlds, get the woman off your back. Before hitting the wide open roads, take a spin around the house and clean the carpets."

The possibilities for this concept are boundless. Those lite beer commercials could make a bundle for the bottlers. Imagine men getting wasted on one of the new unique alcohol-free beers: I Can't Believe It's Not Beer !

A few other possibilities:

Steaks - I Can't Believe It's Not Meat
Vibrators - I Can't Believe It's Not A Penis
Viagra - I Can't Believe You Want To Go Again

I Can't Believe I Named This Blog "I Can't Believe It's Not Better."



Ivy the Goober said...

That was hilarious. And I want one of those Harley Hoovers or whatever that was. I really do.

"head out in the hallway" I'll be singing that all day.

kenju said...

This is possibly the funniest thing I've read in a month!!

Thanks for the laughs, and have a Merry Christmas!

the many Bs said...

I can't believe anything right now. I'm all confused.