Friday, January 27, 2006

Hook, Line And Thinker

Where were you when the lites come on? It comes as a surprise to me that we must have been in the dark for so long. I didn't hear the decree, "Let there be lite." Why did someone find it necessary to change the ingredients of our lives? Just what was wrong with the contents on the label in the first place?

All I wanted was a jar of mayonnaise. I didn't think it was an unreasonable request to make of the aisle boy.
...."Excuse me, where is the regular mayonnaise?" Before the baleful blank stare of the acne scarred face, I pointed at the display shelves. "I see low fat. Here's low sodium. Now these two ... What's the diference between Light ... And Lite?"
....He raised his index finger and said, "I'll be right back." As I watched his retreat, it occurred to me why they call them aisle boys. They say, "I'll be back," and leave you alone in the aisle.

Okay, we live in a health conscious world, but why is it managed by unhealthy unconscious school kids earning minmum wage in a store that guarantees maximum service from its professional associates?
....Why is that food that is fat free, sodium free, or cholesterol free costs more than the original product? For that matter, why do some lite things cost more than the light things? Ah, less letters? If you remove something, it follows that it costs more.
....Let's see if I have this straight now. They pay less help less money, they sell a product that contains less for more money, and nobody helps you so they don't have to pay consulting fees. I must have been taking naps in my economy classes when they taught that chapter.

The supermarkets then reel us in using a new strategy - Hook, Line and Thinker! They bait the hook with a sale to buy one and get one free, get us to wait in lines, and allow us to think we are getting a bargain. (All the while, the item is marked 50% higher than it was last week and 25% higher than it will be next week.) Of course, they got a pallet of the stuff free in exchange for displaying it prominently in the front of the store. The strategy is more brilliant when you observe the little old ladies engaged in elbow slinging wrestling matches to get at the product.
....Said one little old lady adjusting her glasses which were nearly knocked off her face, "Nobody in the house likes this stuff, but at that price, it was too good to pass up! I grabbed six cans."
....As for me, I think the supermarkets' method of sales should be more appropriately called "Bait and Bitch." They bait you into buying something you don't want or need under the guise of a good deal. Then when you get home and study the receipt you bitch when you realize you were duped.
....My personal "favorite" is the old size scam. When you pick up two six-ounce cans of garbanzos for a dollar, you might be wise to check the 12-ounce cans which are 79 cents each. To quote the sweet Monty - "I'm just sayin'."

Speaking of bargains, how come those fast food places never super-size salads and fruit cups?



kenju said...

They are hoping the stuff won't sell and then they'll be justified in taking it off the menu.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Never buy anything that's at eye level on the shelves. That's the most costly display area for the food manufacturers, so naturally it's going to cost YOU more. Go around the store on your belly for savings.

Shannon akaMonty said...

HA! Men have been trying to pull the size scam on me for YEARS.

I finally put up a sign that said "You must be THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS size to ride this ride."

Dammit. I'm getting as bad as Jules.

(and thank you for calling me sweet. I *heart* you)

the many Bs said...

I hate it when I get home from the grocery store, look at the receipt to see the great bargains that I got and see that they charged me the wrong (higher!) price! Why don't they ever make a mistake and charge a lower price? "I'm just sayin'" (Tan Lucy Pez says that too)

Peter said...

Don't try to figure the supermarkets out Mike, just wave money at them and wear a big sign saying, "Don't hurt me".

TMelendez said...

And I thought I was the only dumb @#$% making conversions in the aisle and figuring out price per unit...

FnQueen said...

I'm sick of all the stupid ass 'healthy' marketing bullshit! Just give me the fat laden, artery clogging mayonnaise and no one gets hurt.