Saturday, February 04, 2006

Blog Jeopardy

This is Blog Jeopardy!

....Our returning Champion, with a one day total of $1, is Cletis Clyde.
To face him are Steven Hawking and George W. Bush.

....And the host of Jeopardy ... Alex Trebeck.

...."Good evening folks. There is one Daily Double hidden among the answers in these categories.
....Quantum Physics ... World Leaders ... Rock Music ...
The White House ... Rednecks ... and finally ... "Shh". Note the quotations ... all your questions must contain he letters "SH."

Alex: As the returning champion Cletis you will lead us off.
Cletis: Thanks, Alex. White House for $100.
Alex: In this room, decisions are made that affect the entire world. George Bush you rang in first.
George: Alex, What is the Oval Office?
Alex: No. Sorry, George. Yes, Steven Hawking?
Steven: What .. is .. the .. Black Hole?
Alex: No, Steven. Cletis.
Cletis: Uh , where is the bathroom?
Alex: That is right for $100. Pick another answer.
Cletis: Huh? No really, Alex. Where is the bathroom? I have to take a sh.... I musta et a hundred of dem es-car-gots!
Alex: Okay, "Shh" it is for $100. This Civil War general had a U.S. Army tank named after him. Cletis.
Cletis: Darn it. I clicked in by mistake. Well, who is ... uh ... not sure ... man?
Alex: Correct for another $100. In WWII, the Sherman Tank was put into service on the European front lines. Pick again, Cletis.
I'll think I'll try something easier. Uh, Quantum Physics for a hunnerd, Alex. I could use one 'bout now.
Alex: These cosmic forces are theorized to hold the Universe in place. Yes, Steven.
Steven: Alex .. what .. is .. gravity?
Alex: Oh, no. That is not correct Steven. George.
George: (Picking at lapel) What are these threads?
Alex: Right you are, George. Cosmic threads are invisible strands said to prevent the universe from drifting apart.
George: Let me try World Leaders for $500, Alex.
Alex: The death of this PLO leader has caused uncertainty in peace negotiations between Israel and Lebanon.
George: Ooh ooh! I know this one. Now don't tell me. Who is ... yes sir! There at the tip of my tongue.
Alex: Yassar Arafat is correct for $500. That puts you in the lead, George. Gentlemen, set down your clickers while we get a few messages from our sponsors.

This program is brought to you in part by the makers of Cialis, who wish to remind you that if erections persist for more than four hours, take a ride to the girls dormitory at the college nearest you. If this condition does not occur, try doubling the doses.

Alex: Welcome back to you viewers in the home audience. We have George Bush leading with $500. Our champion Cletis has $200. Steven Hawking has yet to get on the plus side at minus $200.

....Let's take a moment to meet our contestants.

George, it says here that you consider yourself a powerful man. How so?

George: Well, Alex, I am the President of the United States. In my own high school yearbook, just yesterday, I wrote: "Most likely to succeed."
Alex: Interesting. Moving right along to Steven hawking. Steve, besides talking funny, where did you get that funky set of wheels?
Steve: Alex .. thank you .. for .. inviting .. me .. this .. years .. convention .. on Pulsars .. and Qasars.
Alex: Uh, Steven .. this is Jeopardy. Anyway it says here that the same engineer who designed Pee Wee Herman's bicycle also created your wheel chair. Moving right along to our returning champion, Cletis Clyde. Cletis, it says here that you are the reigning hog calling champion of Arkansas.
Cletis: It does? I didn't heared it say that.
Alex: No, no. It's written down here on my notes.
Cletis: Whee doggies! You can talk writin', Alex? I'm sure wishin' I could do that.

Alex: Right. Before the break George had the last correct answer and will start us off.

George: Something I know a little about, give me Rednecks for $200.
Alex: One of many sounds that can be heard here is .. Soo-ee!" George, you rang in first.
George: Alex, I've been both a suer and a suee. What is a trial?
Alex: Sorry, George. That is not correct. Yes, Steven?
Steven: Alex .. what .. is a .. Black Hole?
Alex: Uh, no. Ah, Cletis?
Cletis: Seein' as I am a champeen hog caller ... What is hog calling, Alex?
Alex: No .. I was afraid that was going to be your response. The correct question is: What is ordering Chinese food? You know, chop suey!

The frenetic pace of the game continued in Jeopardy and through the much tougher Double Jeopardy.

Alex: I hope you folks at home have been enjoying this match tonight. Now it all comes down to Final Jeopardy.

A look at the players scores shows that Steven Hawking has made a huge comeback to take the lead with $10,000. George has made a fine showing with $7500. Cletis had some trouble with a Daily Double but qualifies to compete in Final Jeopardy with $1. Gentlemen, and you too, George place your wagers on this Final Jeopardy answer, and remember to place it in the form of a question.

....The category is ... Hit Songs of the 60's.

We'll be right back folks to see how our contestants do after these messages.

Remember folks, for a healthy dog remember Mail Chow. It's the only dog food out there that tastes just like Mailmen.

Alex: Okay, our contestants wagers are locked in. Let's see how they do with this answer. This person can be heard leading the Mysterians singing 96 Tears.

The familiar Jeopardy theme plays as the contestants strain their minds to come up with the correct question.

Alex: Put down your pens.

Cletis, we will begin with you. "What is ?" Right you are. Question Mark and the Mysterians. How much did you wager, Cletis. Nothing! You will remain at $1.

George? Blank - couldn't think of anything, eh? And how much did you wager? Ooh .. all of your $7500. That leaves you with nothing.

Now let us see what Steven Hawking wrote down. Oh my. Blank also. And your wager, Steven? All $10000!

....Cletis you will remain Jeopardy champion. You now have a two-day total of $2 and will return tomorrow to defend your title.

Ladies and gentlemen, be sure to tine in tomorrow to see if Cletis can defend his title against two new contestants. Until then, good night.



Carolyn said...

Darn, I missed that episode! Thanks for the replay. Go Cletis, lol!

the many Bs said...

I like the commercial about the dog food that tastes like a mailman. Do they have that at Costco?

Ivy the Goober said...

That is hilarious! I wish I could have been in the audience, but it sure felt like I was!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I am sure that "black hole" was the answer to all the questions. Steve was robbed.

StringMan said...

I thought the Cialis and Mail Chow commercials were brilliant.

And I totally caught Little Stevie speaking through his electronic thingy.

I can't help but think of the SNL Jeopardy skits with Will Ferrell, especially the ones with guest celebrity Sean Connery: "You think you're pretty smart, don't you, Trebek? What with your Drago mustache and your greasy hair!

Hale McKay said...

String, it was the SNL skit that inspired this post. It's on VHS, but I recorded it some time ago.

Hoss, you're right. Steve was robbed.

Ivy you are welcome in my audience all the time.

Peg, I'll bet Costco does carry them.

Thanks, Gupal.

Carolyn glad to be of service.

Shannon akaMonty said...

I love SNL Jeopardy. :) Especially with Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery. :)

Your episode was better.

Cheri said...

Hysterical!! And no I didn't click on the you think I'm a dumb blonde!!