Thursday, December 21, 2006

Olio*: the Blog Spread

(*Olio-a mixture or medley; oft used crossword answer; also the theme of this post.)

Have you seen the official Bush family Christmas card? Transcribed from the audio submitted to the printing company, it seems that the translator had trouble deciphering Bush-ese. It is also possible that the President's Hooked on Phonics lessons is still stuck on nuclear and hasn't yet reached the word peace.
....Fortunately, the printer deleted the rest of Bush's message. They weren't quite sure just what was intended with the following words: and good swill to men.

Every time you turn around you have to go find a card for some holiday or celebration or whatever.

Tired of all those trips to the Card Shop? Are you overwhelmed by the miles upon miles of cards on display? Is it a pretty card? Is the prose or poem inside too sappy? Can you find the friggin' envelope for the one you finally chose? Is it a Hallmark? Who cares? Who cares what card company is bilking you out of $4.99 for 26 cents worth of card stock? If they are so materialistic to look at the back to see if it's a Hallmark, then they'll be disappointed to find no check enclosed.
....Spending too much time surfing those free e-card sites? Just think of all the time that could be better spent on e-Bay or Amazon. Wouldn't you rather be reading blogs, i.e. this one? Isn't there more satisfaction visiting your favorite game, news, sports, and ahem ... porn sites?
....Always at the forefront of public service, I have a solution for the headaches of obtaining that perfect card for whatever occasion you feel necessitates one.

What if you could buy just one card for the whole year? That's right, you can get by with just one card for every occasion of a given calendar year!

Introducing: The Everything Card

Now to spread some of that olio:

You gotta love Calvin, that snowman builder supreme:

The Ice Cream Industry's dirty little secret.

Do you know where and for whom your teenage son is shoveling?

The reason Frosty the Snowman had no children.

Little known fact: St. Nick's last job was as a plumber.

Moses learned his "parting" skills in Siberia.

And finally, do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?



wazza said...

Gidday Mike,
Did you mention ahem porn sites or was that correctly prawn(Aussie for shrimp)sites.
I've been a little slack with blogging of late but am back again, altho' this might not last for too long as I will be off line next week when I go up to visit Peter over the Xmas period.
Xmas cards...I've been doing my own Xmas cards since 1990 and you may recall my post way back on 26th July where I showed all of my previous Xmas cards. Waal this years card is about to be posted on Friday.
May you and your family have a Merry Christmas and a safe and healthy New Year.
Rool on 2007 for the next selection of blogging posts.

Mr. Fabulous said...

You are a twisted little monkey.

I dig that.

lime said...

calvin is far and away my favorite comic ever. the snowman series alone is worth it.

Peter said...

Your multi purpose card might not go down to well with Aunt Maud after uncle cedrics funeral Mike... I'm just sayin'...

Jack K. said...

And jsut when I thought you couldn't get any funnier.


I do love this post and the cartoons. I will be careful about ice cream cones. I used to like chocolate best. Or chocolate, mint chip. Good luck imagining that. LMAO

Peter, Maud will have to get over it. After all, Cedric might just deserve it. lol

Anonymous said...

As the old saying goes, there is a card for every occasion, but is there an occasion for every card.

Jack K. said...

Steve G. Absolutley.

Serena said...

Great cartoons! And I'd like a supply of the All Occasion cards, please. LOL.

Miss Cellania said...

Love the W card! Piss on Earth. How like him.

Jodi said...

Your comics ALWAYS make me laugh!

Merry Christmas.


Sambian said...

Rudolph is having fun

Dan Reynolds said...

Remove the Moses in the driveway cartoon. That's MY cartoon and it's copyrighted. You can license it's use but not steal it and post it on your blog
Contact me at

And please don't tell me someone sent it to you or whatever - YOU posted it and you know YOU didn't draw it so it's not yours.