Friday, January 26, 2007

The Adventures of Hangman

Until now, not much has been revealed about the private life of Stickman, aka Hangman. Although crudely drawn, he remains one of the most recognizable figures on earth. He now lives in relative seclusion in a crudely drawn home somewhere amid the "urban scrawl."
....Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, he lives comfortably on the royalty checks he receives for his role as the original Hangman. In an exclusive interview, Hangman has agreed to tell his story to this Blogger.

Blogger: Hangman, now that you are retired, how is that you can stay home and just hang around? Excuse me, please pardon the pun.
Hangman: S'alright. I'm used to it. When you think about it, I've been hanging around all my life. Truthfully, I find it peaceful and relaxing to stay home. I no longer have any stress in my life.
Blogger: I don't think anyone ever envied your job.
Hangman: No, and no one ever stuck their neck out for me either.
Blogger: What brought you to your decision to hang 'em up, er to retire?
Hangman: Frankly, the job was a pain in the neck!
Blogger: I'm sure it was. But you stuck with it for quite a spell.
Hangman: Now there's the rub. You can't imagine how many morons played the game and couldn't spell for shit!

I pondered his last statement as he excused himself to walk his stickdog, which was aptly named Stickdog. It was true what he had said. Though he didn't elaborate, I'm sure that he realized there were those sadistic players who deliberately chose the wrong letters. It saddened me to think that some people played his game just to see him swing.

Hangman: Where was I? Ah yes, what made me decide to hang 'em up as you so succinctly put it? Think of it in this way, that noose constantly tightening around my neck put an awful strain on my voice box. It sometimes took a whole weekend before I could talk again.
Blogger: I never thought of that. It must have put quite a lump in your throat every time a wrong letter was submitted.
Hangman: Ahem! Yes. But that wasn't what brought me to the end of my rope.
Blogger: Please continue. I think this is going to be noose-worthy.
Hangman: It happened when I saw a movie starring my favorite actor.
Blogger: Let me guess, ah .. Stretch Cunningham?
Hangman: Who?
Blogger: He was a friend of Archie Bunker...
Hangman: No! My favorite actor was Clint Eastwood.
Blogger: Oh yes. That movie where he played a drunk country singer? Bronco Billy! To tell you the truth, I wanted to hang myself when I heard him trying to sing. He was bad enough in Paint Your Wagon.
Hangman: Nope. It was Hang 'Em High!

He stood up, grabbed a hat and began to cut the rug with some moves that Fred Astaire would have envied. Actually he was quite nimble.

Hangman: So I decided I would try my luck as a song and dance man. Alas, there wasn't much interest in a dancing stickman.
Blogger: I don't suppose there would be in this neck of the woods.
Hangman: Uh .. right. I'm hoping that one day Bogdonovich or Spike Lee will make a full length feature based on the song, Pictures of Matchstick Men. It would be a role tailor-made for me.
Blogger: Didn't you star an a short subject film that won an award at Cannes?
Hangman: Yes. It was a childrens' instructional short on Hopscotch.
Blogger: It was a cute and funny role. So, have you been up to your neck with any other projects?
Hangman: I have been reading several scripts. One in particular stands out. It's for a cameo appearance in Tim Burton's next sequel to "The Corpse Bride."
Blogger: I see. I guess there aren't many roles for Stick Figures are there?
Hangman: Well, there is an upcoming Broadway play, "Sticks and Stones."
Blogger: Now that would be a sweet role to hang your hat on!
Hangman: It could be the role of a lifetime.
Blogger: No other possibilities?
Hangman: Well, I am scheduled for an audition next week.
Blogger: Really? Can you tell us about it? Or is it a sticky subject until there is an official announcement?
Hangman: All I can tell you is that I would be costarring with none other than Smokey the Bear!
Blogger: Interesting! What is it, a fire prevention public message?
Hangman: Well, sort of. I will tell you that I could be on camera for my very first love making scene! Let me tell you, I understand it's a very hot scene.

Blogger: Excellent! So you'll get to stick it to some actress.
Hangman: Definitely. You might say the characters rub some sticks together.
Blogger: Let's wrap up this interview, Hangman. Why don't you tell your fans out there what you do in your leisure time. What do you do for fun?
Hangman: I love the outdoors. So I have taken up fishing.

Blogger: There you have it folks. Hangman is alive and well.



Jack K. said...

Damn if you haven't done it again. I marvel at the animation, and how you do it. I know, you told me all you do is copy and paste. I guess I just don't go to the proper places. I will try again.

Your posting reminded me of a visit to France about 10 years ago when I played hangman with the eight year old daughter of our French friends. But I think I will post that at my site today.

CozyMama said...

what a cool post.

I'm not even supposed to be here today said...

That was so creative and hilarious! Great post!

P.S. I would SO do Stickman - let him know, will ya?

Karen said...

"Hillary, if I'd known you could open your mouth so big, I swear that Monica Lewinsky thing would have never happened!"


lime said...

do you do this animation or do you find it somwhere???

Hale McKay said...

No, Lime. I don't do the animation. I'd like to be able to do this kind of stuff - if I had the software and enough memory to use it.

I'm afraid I "harvest" it from the blogosphere.