Monday, January 29, 2007

The Clintons Are Coming!

The word is out! It is official. Hillary Rodham Clinton has thrown her hatbox into the ring!
....Let the fun begin! Sure, the elections for 2008 are almost two years away, but look at how much time we have to dust off all the old Bill and Hillary jokes while we are waiting for the new ones that are sure to come!
....She will be the most watched, most photographed, most written about, most editorialized, most lampooned, most hated and most admired candidate to come down the pike in a long time. Hell, if she has been able to survive a marriage to William Jefferson Clinton, she should be up to the task to weather the maelstrom of press exposure she's going to have to endure.
....Remember, there has been a precedent of sorts. Where did anyone find the intestinal fortitude to hand George W. Bush the keys to the Oval Office? After keeping our meals down at the sight of George Herbert and Barbara Bush in the White House, it was clear to all level-headed thinkers that no one would vote for any offspring of that gruesome twosome. Apparently, the level-headed voters stayed away from the polls. History just might repeat itself!
....I don't know if the world is ready for a female President of the United States, but I'm certain that one day there will be one. I'm just not sure that Hillary will be THE one!

I have stated here in the past that I usually avoid political matters. However, there is one caveat: I don't avoid such matters if there are some good jokes involved. This is a humor Blog.

Hillary Clinton vs. God

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.
...."Al, what do you believe in?"
....Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
....God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
....Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
....God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
...."I believe you're in my chair."

One Day On The Links

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to tee up when he hears, "Ribbit! 9 Iron."
....The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit! 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
....Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?"
....The frog replies, "Ribbit! Lucky frog."
....The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit! 3 wood."
....The guy takes out a 3 wood and, Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life.
....He asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog replies, "Ribbit! Las Vegas."
....They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit! Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit! $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck.
....Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful."
....The frog replies, "Ribbit! Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room. So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."

I don't necessarily believe in Bush's war in Iraq, but I whole-heartedly support our troops over there. Here's a little humor for our boys.

Camel Sex

A new Marine Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Iraqi desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a Camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
....He asks the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
....The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have "urges". That's why we have Molly The Camel."
....The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about "urges", so the camel can stay."
....About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
...."No not really, sir... they usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

Finally, on the serious side, you can send your well wishes to our troops over there defending our freedoms. The following linked site has cards drawn by children that you can send to the troops. There is list of greetings to choose from that will accompany the card you select. All that is required is to fill in the blanks with only your name, city and state.
....If you want to show your support visit Let's Say Thanks! Send several. I sent one of each of them.



kenju said...

LOVE the camel joke!

wazza said...

Gidday Mike,
I'm doing the "catch up" that is going to those blogs I like to read, but don't read as often as I should so then have to "catch up" to see what's been happening.
Surely Hillary can't be as bad as Bush?
Surely anybody would be better than Bush!!
Seen it before but the camel joke is still funny.
Loved the hangman post.
Don't have the problem of leaving my mobile phone at home 'cos I don't have one, so it seems I can survive without one.

Jack K. said...

Great post.

I agree with your prognostication about the H. It should be a wild ride.

As for the jokes, who's been eating my porridge, sleeping in my bed. I know who is sitting in my chair. tee hee.

The camel joke went around ages ago, but it was the British Army that was practicing beastiality. giggle.

Karen said...

Hillary = gag me with a spoon!

Anonymous said...

Good stuff. I like 'Let's Say Thanks. That is much appreciated.

Scary Monster said...

Me thinks that replacing one Bush with another might be a good start.
Liked the frog Does he come in pink? Me could use him in a Cabo post.

Serena said...

This Hillection is going to be a circus all the way.:)

LOVED that camel joke! LMBO.