Friday, March 23, 2007

Excuses to Coincidences

Excuses students give for not turning in their homework:

10)- My dog has a digging addiction and he buried my homework.

9)- My homework was done and I didn't want to forget it, so I put it in my backpack. Turns out I brought the wrong backpack to school.

8)- I got confused and put my homework in my lunch bag and my lunch in my backpack. Then I forgot both of them.

7)- I made a paper airplane out of it and it got hijacked.

6)- The lights went out in our house and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box.

5)- I was going to bring in my homework, but my mom already graded it and said you should give me an A+.

4)- Teacher: Where is your homework? Student: It's still in my pen.

3)- I tried doing my homework, I swear. It was too hard so I ask my parents for help and they tried but it was just so hard they took it to work to get some help.

2)- My father had a nervous breakadown and he cut up my homework to make paper dolls.

And the number one excuse:

1)- I didn't do my math homework because the batteries in my calculator were missing. I found out this morning my mother took them for her vibrator!


A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers:

"Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
You've Got Male ! (thanks Earl)
This Is AMAZING!!!

Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference between Male and Female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically.

Until Now.

Which of the two birds is a female??? Below are two birds; Study them closely...See if you can spot which of the two is the female.

It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. (thanks Earl)


A chicken farmer went to a local bar...sat next to a woman and
ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass
of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "this is a special day for me
I am celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" says the woman.
"What a coincidence!" says the farmer. As they clinked glasses the man asked
"What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist
told me that I am pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man."I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of
my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilised eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence!" (thanks again, Earl)



Serena said...

LMAO! And now we know.:)

Christina said...

ROFL!!! Love the cock joke!

Sorry i haven't been by in a while, but I have a new post up and now that I'm done moving I should be by regularly again.

see you soon!

Jack K. said...


What a coincidence. lmao

Raggedy said...

I had seen some of these before but they are still funny.