Monday, April 30, 2007

A Gazillion Channels

....The three astronauts lay on the bank of the volcanic lake and watched as their space craft slowly sank beneath the dark waters. It had been their only home for the past three months.
....Resigned to fact that they were stranded on some unknown planet, untold light years from earth, they had only one option. They had to rely on the months of survival training they'd endured before they had been sent hurtling into the void of space. They would have to find food and water.
....That was three days ago by earth measures. They had been trekking across the barren landscape with no signs of life. Then in the distance they could make out what looked like trees. If there were trees, then there had to water and perhaps even food.
....Exhausted, barely able to walk they reached what seemed to be an endless forest. They'd managed to find some potable water and were able to digest some pungent but edible fruit from one of the trees.
....That was when the inhabitants first appeared. They were humanoid, but they appeared to be mutes. They were all clad in tattered gray clothing. They weren't the Welcome Wagon however. They weren't running to greet them, but rather were fleeing some unseen threat.
....They were stunned as the riders on horseback appeared. They were tall and lean, dressed in black and sporting stovepipe-like hats. They were firing crude rifles and weilding bull whips. One by one they were overtaking the helpless people. From the look of the riders, those who died were the lucky ones.
....The leader of the astronauts could not believe is eyes. Everyone of the riders looked just like Abraham Lincoln! It was a nightmare!
....They had left earth on a peaceful mission of exploration only to land on ....

....The Planet of the Abes!

<(Click!)> . . . Geezus! Ain't there something on worth watching? The image on the screen faded as I frantically worked the remote buttons.

....The girl and her strange companions were skipping down a curious yellow road. They were singing .."We're off to the Lizard, the wonderful
Lizard of Oz...

<(Click!)>...400 f**king channels and they give us this crap?

.... A man carrying a violin climbed upon the roof. Instead of playing, it seems that the excess of vodka he'd consumed, called for emergency measures. With that, he commenced to take a piss on the roof! He was, who else but
The Piddler on the Roof!

<(Click!)>...I sighed in dismay. It must be ratings month!

...."Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of
Trading Placebos"

<(Click!)> Good grief!

....The old man hobbled to the center of the ring, the wheels on his walker squeaking in time to the cracking sounds from his knees. He looked down upon his defeated opponent. When the announcer grabbed his arm and raised it to declare him the winner of the championship bout, he crumbled onto the mat.
...."You have just seen
Rocky, 17.

<(Click!)> <(Click!)> ... I shut the friggin' TV off.

I wanted to be entertained for one night. So much for entertainment. If I wanted to be driven insane, I would have logged on to my computer and read other people's Blogs!

Okay Bloggers, give me your best shots!


This is a parody - truth be told, your Blogs are far more entertaining than television.



Serena said...

That's funny. Story of my life, but still funny.:)

Carolyn said...

Well, you could always go play with Paris Hilton's nude cadaver sculpture... ;)

Peter said...

Sounds like a normal day of television entertainment???

Jack K. said...

<(Click!)> Good grief!

What is this?

I have finally made my way to the top of the tallest building in London. There has been some stir about trying to educate and attire swine so that they will be more attractive.

All I can see is the streets teeming with the creatures in their finery. They are oinking in a very refined manner.


Give me a break. tee hee snerx.