Sunday, September 23, 2007

"Avatar-ial" Satire on Life

Naked I came into the world. I was defenseless and naive.
I was dependendent upon others to survive. I had to learn right from wrong, and it was the hardest lesson of all! Nurtured on Mother's milk I was soon a young lad. I began to fantasize as all young boys as to what I wanted to be when I reached adulthood.

I had visions of being a swashbuckling pirate, feared on all the seas.

I often visualized myself as a chivalrous knight in shining armor on a crusade to slay the terrible fire-breathing dragon and rescue the fair maiden.
....But when the maiden tried to kiss me in a show of gratitude, I gave her back to the dragon and rode off in search of another adventure.
....You see, brave knights (and little boys) didn't like girls getting all mushy and kissy.

What boy didn't want to be a cowboy? A cowboy could fight savage Indians on the warpath. A cowboy could ride herd on his trusty skateboard steed.
....I could be like the Cowboy who met an Indian herding sheep in the Black Hills:

Cowboy: "Nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' all right."
Indian: (Look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this Indian your owner?" (pointing at the Indian)
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and Takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian: (Look of total disbelief)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool."
Indian: (Extreme look of shock!)
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" (pointing to the Indian)
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me Down often, and keeps me in a lean-to, to protect me from the weather."
Indian: (Look of total amazement)
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep lie."

Once I was going to be a brave scuba diver, just like Mike Nelson on Seahunt.

Then one day before I realized what was happening, I was a young man and had to go out into the world and get a job and drink coffee.

While being in the workforce I noticed that something was different about the girls. They had bumps and curves that weren't there when they were littler girls.So then I wanted to show my gratitude for their looking good and I tried to kiss them! For some reason the girls didn't want me to get all mushy and kissy! It was certainly not the last time I that I couldn't figure girls (women they wanted to be called) out. Where were the dragons when you needed them?

Well one day I finally figured out one woman (or so she led me to believe) and got married.
As I grew older I found some things don't change. I still tend to imagine that I'm heroic figures. As a softball player it was easy to picture myself slugging a game-winning homerun in the major leagues.
I can run through the middle of the line for a sixty-yard touchdown - through the magic of televised football. I can display my knowledge of the game by managing several Fantasy Football teams.

The older I get I've noticed I have come full circle. At home I'm often like I was when I came into the world - naked or nearly so. Who knows, but when I'm older still I might be in diapers again.

Strange, but it's almost as if some of those things I wished for as a child have come true.

No, I'm no pirate on the high seas. I'm no gallant knight. You won't see me scuba diving along some coral reef. I'm not riding the range under the big sky. But I have become a cowboy of sorts -

Just the other day I was fighting an Indian at the 7-11 Store over the price of a gallon of milk!

For good or bad - dreams can come true.

(The Avatar characters used in this post were created at Doppel Me.)


1 comment:

Hale McKay said...

I don't like seeing zero for number of comments.

With this, at least there is one!