Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Woman of Wonder

I experienced a horrible nightmare!

I dreamt that I was a man about to be captured by Wonder Woman! Her golden lasso was twirling above her tiara-ed head.

I knew that any man caught in her rope would have to do her bidding. I would be helpless and would have to obey her every wish. She wanted to capture me. She wanted to make me succumb to her. She wanted me!
Hey! It was MY dream.

I watched her change from her secret identity of Diana Prince into her Wonder Woman duds. She changed inside of her Invisible Robot plane! (Her plane might be invisible, but not so the contents.) I could clearly see her changing inside her Invisible Robot plane!

I watched as she squeezed herself into those tight pants. I watched as she tucked herself into that tight bodice.

Then suddenly she spotted me - the bad voyeur! She bounded out of the plane and gave chase. That's when my dream turned into a nightmare!

It wasn't Diana Prince who had struggled to get into that skimpy super costume! It wasn't the naked body of a voluptuous Amazon that I had been watching.

It wasn't Wonder Woman who was pursuing me. It was Thunder Woman !
She had broken into Wonder Woman's Invisible Robot plane and had stolen Wonder Woman's costume.

It was Rosie O'Donnell!

I only had one chance to survive. I had to change into
Green Lantern
I charged my power ring and recited my oath ...
"In brightest day, in darkest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power - Green lantern's light."
I flew into action and turned my power ring upon the charging behemoth.

"Great Scott!" I cried before expounding several expletives deleted. Her lasso it is golden - it's yellow! My ring , due to a necessary impurity added during its creation, is powerless against anything colored yellow.

I cringed in terror. Suddenly her costume began splitting at its seams. It literally was disintegrating from her body. The terror was gone, replaced with nausea. I was sickened at the sight of her bare skin cascading, influenced no doubt by gravity itself.

Before my eyes her form began to transmute, morphing into a large mass of flesh. Towering above me now loomed the slug-like Jabba the Hut! I was sick, so sick that I was about to hurl ....

I awoke in a pool of sweat! I had been having a bad dream. Bad dream, hell! It was a freaking nightmare! My stomach was on fire. I really did feel like I was going to throw up.

I managed to keep it down, but I had that horrible taste in my mouth. I had never experienced a dream, or a nightmare for that matter, that had actually caused me physical discomfort when I awakened.

Then I realized that it might not have been the dream that had sickened me. You don't suppose that bowl of chili and nachos on the nightstand next to the bed had anything to with it, do you?

Nah. I didn't think so either.

(The drawing above of a hefty Wonder Woman, drawn by Bobby Timony, was lifted from a very funny and original site: BBWW: The Big Beautiful Wonder Woman Blog. Check out the site, I think you'll enjoy it as much as I did.)



Jack K. said...

I hate it when I have those kind of dreams.

Wait. I never have those kind of dreams.

Whew. What a relief.

But then, I never have nacho bel grandes prior to bed.

tee hee, chuckle, giggle chortle, snort, and snerx.

Badabing said...

Just the thought of Rosie O'Donnel in tights will give me nightmares for a month...thanks in advance for the memories.