Thursday, February 21, 2008

Blonde Is As Blonde Does

I'm going to throw up something out the vault for today. I'm not not feeling very chipper. I seem to have the chills one moment and my forehead feels on fire the next. My leg is still sore although the swelling has gone down considerably and most of the redness is gone. I sure hope I'm not coming down with something else....

Excerpts From the Diary of a Blonde

Dear Diary,

It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately.The neighbours were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress.What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper

A good day for rice.The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.

Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.It said prepare ingredients; lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it.There must have been something wrong with this recipe.When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken.He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I don't have any clothes that fit it,and for some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast.It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

Good Night.

Dear Diary,

This has been a very exciting week! I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with a chocolate moose.

I have to go the store to buy some deodorant.

The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying thestuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."

"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacistwho looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."

Dear Diary,

That sure is a stupid man working at the drug store.

(If you are tired of the standard astrological readings you find on your daily horoscopes, why not check out your Appalachological Signs for a more accurate reading.)



Skunkfeathers said...

The scary part is, I've known and worked with a couple of blondes who, I am certain, modeled for, or at least were posterblondes for these jokes...

Little Wing said...

Ok even tho I AM a blonde, that was the funniest ever, and trust me I have heard them ALL! Push up bottom??????????????

Hale McKay said...

Little Wing,

No offense is intended with the blonde jokes, of course, but they do make an excellent filler when one cannot come up with something else to post.

Hale McKay said...


It could be we just might know the same blondes - or they are at least related.