If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
I don't have hot flashes. I have short private vacations in the tropics.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now!
FOOD & DIETS
Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.
It took a lot of will power, but I finally gave up dieting.
I gave up jogging because my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.
Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
If only men were as satisfying as chocolate.
Because chocolate can't get you pregnant.
If I ever need religion, I'll worship chocolate cake.
When I say the word "Exercise," I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of. - Kathy Lette
Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. - Anonymous
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher
A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it works like that. I think it's just the opposite. I think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the man becomes. - Anita Wise
I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself. - Yoko Ono
My wife asked me if I was going to put the e-mail she sent to me on my blog. I said "Yes, in fact I already did."
She said, "What? You really did? I was only joking!"
"But honey, you dared me!"
(~sigh~)..You can't live with them .. You can't live without them .. Never mind pleasing them!
Like a night out dancing...