Saturday, March 22, 2008

Easter Has Been Outsourced

Diary: Easter Bunny
Saturday March 22, 2008

Dear Diary,

It was bound to happen some day. The handwriting is on the wall. I had to get with the times. I had to make some radical changes.

The checking account is just about drained. I'm spending more than I'm taking in. My credit is shot to hell! The bank is threatening to foreclose on the warren. The old lady is pregnant again! How much can an Easter Bunny take anyway?

The IRS is still investigating me about my windfall profits from last Easter. They are also challenging the 200 dependents I claimed on my 2007 tax return. The Supreme Court is after me for perjury during a Grand Jury hearing.

Congress has been inquiring about the telephone calls between myself and Monica Lewinsky. (Why did I keep those receipts from the tobacconist?) Someone leaked news that my name was found in the appointment book belonging to Ashley Alexandra Dupre. Roger caught me in bed with his wife Jessica and he wants to kick my ass.

My so-called friends and my personal trainer have testified that I have been using HGH and steroids. They have circumstantial evidence that I was distributing those illegal substances in my jelly beans. They found the e-mails addressed to me from Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens.

If all that isn't bad enough, I'm expected to get up at the ungodly hour of 4:30 tomorrow morning to hide decorated eggs for a bunch of snotty-nosed brats cute little boys and girls?

So it is with heavy heart that I have made this decision. I can see no other recourse but to outsource Easter this year. To get the best bang for my buck, I have hired illegal immigrants, mostly from Mexico, to handle the job of hiding the Easter eggs. At $0.005 cents an hour, I figure a couple of hundred of them should get the job done and I can realize enough of a profit to get the bank off my ass.


Roger Rabbit is auditioning for a commercial and will not be home all day tomorrow. I think it would be a nice touch if I delivered a basket of goodies to Jessica. That would be a nice tail tale on which to celebrate Easter.
A Happy Easter to all the kiddies and blog readers alike.



Skunkfeathers said...

Scandal & the Hutch ;-)

Hale McKay said...


What's a rabbit to do?