Wednesday, December 16, 2009

'Twas Santa's Night Before Christmas

'Twas the Night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down the list.

Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my butt for almost a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa!" - What do I hear?

The old lady bitches, cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight!

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.

And just when I thought that things would get better,
Those jerks from the IRS sent me a letter.

It says I owe taxes. If that ain't damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days- they are all the pits.
They want the impossible.. those mean little twits!

I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls, their arms, legs, and heads.

I made a ton of yo-yos - no request for them.
They all want computers.. they think I'm IBM!

If you think that is bad.. just picture this..
Try holding those little brats, with their pants full of piss.

They pull at your nose, they grab at my beard
And if I don't smile, the parent's think that I'm weird.

Flying though the air, dodging the trees...
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees...

I'm quittin this job, there's just no enjoyment.
I'll sit on my fat butt and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason..
I've found me a blonde... I'm going south for the season!

_Dave, I don't know you, but thanks for e-mailing this to me.



Jack K. said...

Tell me you didn't photo shop your picture onto Santa. snerx.

Sandee said...

I'd not heard this version before. I like it. Is Santa Tiger Woods? Just asking. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...


Is the resemblance that apparent?

Hale McKay said...


Is it true that Tiger Woods hangs the mistletoe from his belt buckle?