Sansculotte

....What good is it? I think it should be called Moan-day! Or Mun-dane!
It is supposedly named after the Latin luna, for the moon. If that's so, then why didn't they name it Lunday? - Loon-day, now that makes sense.

I have a better idea. Let's call it Moon-day! Then we can all show up for work sansculotte! (Fr. san-koo-lot; lit. without breeches.) Dressed as such, we would have little trouble baring our backsides, thus effectively mooning the first SOB that gives us any crap! It would give new meaning to butt-ering up the boss, wouldn't it?

Think about it. Just what work actually gets done on a Monday? Consider a typical Monday at the office: (And the skills required)

09:00 AM: Arrive at work; make sure somebody sees you. (Promptness/dependability)
09:15 AM: Grab newspaper and head to bathroom. (Multitasking)
09:20 AM: Scan newspaper to be prepared for office discussions later at water cooler. (Research skills)
09:25 AM: Make grunting sounds when someone enters. They will recognize your shoes. (Accountability)
09:30 AM: Wash hands thoroughly, newsprint is noticeable. (Appearance)
09:35 AM: Back at your desk and referring to answers, fill in all puzzles in ink. (Displays confidence)
09:40 AM: Open box of No.2 pencils; sharpen contents. (Preparedness)
09:45 AM: Discretely using cell phone, dial your desk extension for the first of several times during the day. Answer phone loud enough to be heard at least three cubicles away. (Customer relations)
09:50 AM: Hang up phone after assuring the dial tone that the problem with the account has been rectified. (Problem solving skills)
09:55 AM: On way to coffee station, pass Receptionist and glance at cleavage making eye contact at same time. (Observation skills)
10:00 AM: Stop at supply department for legal pad and box of No.2 pencils. Take longest route back to desk so as to pass Receptionist again. Tell her you are expecting an important call. Compliment her on lovely pin on her lapel. Admire cleavage while her attention is diverted. (Personnel skills)
10:05 AM: Call buddy at major client. Arrange for him to place important call to you through the switchboard at a preset time. (Client interface)
10:07 AM: Place call to bookie and take the over on Monday Night Football. Call Steve in Mail Room to confirm your win in office pool. Call Accounting to request $50 from petty cash to meet client for lunch. (Social skills)
10:10 AM: Remove suit jacket, loosen tie, roll up shirt sleeves, and spread handful of documents across desk. Place several in "out-box." (Organizational skills)
10:14 AM: Grab legal pad, No.2 pencil and jacket while rushing to Board Room for scheduled 10:15 meeting, smiling at Receptionist as you pass. (Adheres to schedules)
10:16 AM: Enter Board Room rolling down shirt sleeves while trying to put on jacket. (Professional appearance)
10:17 AM: Excusing yourself and noting you were on phone with Chicago, take seat. Adjust tie and set legal pad and No.2 pencil on table. Quickly exchange acknowledgements with everyone present, including the joker trying to get the promotion to AVP for which you are vying. (Courteous demeanor)
10:20 AM: Using No.2 pencil, doodle on legal pad, giving appearance of note taking. (Attention to details)
10:25 AM: Contribute to meeting by making statements about bottom line requiring convoluted discussion among others present. (Job knowledge)
10:30 AM: When Receptionist interrupts meeting to announce you have an important client call, ignore her cleavage as she hands you message, unlike everyone else in room. (Professional discretion)
10:31 AM: Using Board Room phone, call client (your buddy) and make arrangements to meet for lunch to discuss the contract as you are in important meeting. (Dedication to job)
10:32 AM: Excused from meeting by CEO, who feels contracts with clients more important than in-house meetings, wink at the joker on the way out. (Valued employee)
10:35 AM: Promptly return call to "client" and set up an 11AM to 1PM power lunch. (Follow through)
10:40 AM: Swing by Mail Room and Accounting to pick up pool winnings and requested funds from petty cash. (Inter-office relations)
10:45 AM: Stop at Receptionist's desk. Praise her for getting message to you, and once again compliment her on that lapel pin. (Acknowledges fellow workers)
10:50 AM: At desk, begin to toss pre-sharpened No.2 pencils into ceiling panel. Having set new personal record of eight in a row to stick, make notation on calendar of feat for future reference. Remove pencils. (Record keeping)
11:00 AM: Meet "client" at an off-the-beaten-track pub. (Keeps appointments)

-1:00 PM: Call office, and while sweet talking Receptionist, inform her that due to the nature of the meeting with the client you will not be returning to the office until tomorrow. (Accountabilty is important)
-1:05 PM: Return attention to "client." (Places client before self)

The preceding schedule may not reflect your typical day at the office. It contains events that you may or may not have observed from your own co-workers. Any chauvinistic references are strictly coincidental.
....The above in no way reflects my typical Mondays. That's my story - and I'm sticking to it!

In future posts we will discuss other days of the week, like Fridays for example, and why some companies allow it to be a day of casual dress. Of particular interest: "Why is the Receptionist so popular on Casual Fridays?"
....In any event, the next day to be studied will be Wednesday.






In addition to extolling its virtues, we will explore the possible origins of how the day came to be known as Hump Day.

Some think that since Wednesdays are situated in the middle of the week, it makes the remaining days seem like they are downhill. For an in depth look, that post will feature observations from some of the employees, including that cute Receptionist.

I hope you had a wonderful Monday!

No.799

A Day In The Life

It's a stressed-out-hurry-up-and-do-it-right-now kind of world we live in today. Sometimes it seems one can't do enough fast enough. When do you want it? Yesterday? Do the acronyms ASAP, PDQ and RFN ring a bell?

I got to thinking about my typical day of work. As a rule, I don't usually give it much of a thought because my days have become so routine. For laughs, I decided to document one typical day - a day in my life.

(All references to body functions will be omitted out of respect to any minors who might stumble onto this post.)

At 6 am this morning, I was awakened by the automatic alarm clock/radio. Taking a deep breath I caught the wafting aroma of coffee that had begun to brew in our automatic Mr. Coffee maker. I glanced at my watch and noted that the timer would be activating the toaster which had been preloaded with two slices of bread the night before.
....With a cup of coffee in one hand and a small plate of buttered and jellied toast in the other, I made my way into the living room. I picked up the TV remote, turned on the set, and clicked to the local news channel. On my job I need to know the weather forecast and the traffic conditions.
....After breakfast I performed the daily ritual of a shave, a shower and a sh....oops! (I almost forgot that body functions were to be omitted.) I got dressed and picked up my remote engine starter and clicked it at the kitchen window. I was rewarded for my efforts with the sound of my truck starting. Next I clicked on the remote on my key ring which engages the automatic garage door opener. As I approached the drivers side of my truck, a click of the other remote unlocked the truck's doors. Finally, out of the garage, another click of a remote closed the garage doors.
....It was 8:30 am by the time I had pulled into the drive-up ATM to withdraw some cash for the day. While I was at it, I transferred some funds from savings to checking and paid the Electric bill. (Someday, perhaps they'll think of a way to streamline banking.) About a half mile down the street I stopped at the drive-up of Dunkin' Donuts for my second cup of coffee of the day.
....Before I hit the highway, I had to make one more stop for some gas, as I was down to a quarter of a tank. After swiping a card in the reader to enable the pump I watched the numbers spin like the wheels on one of those slot machines. My bank account was charged the amount of $22.50 and a printed receipt was deposited into my hand.
....As I approached the toll booth on the turnpike the automatic beacon on my dash recorded a hit against my pre-paid account. I was cruising along toward the residence of my first client and I finally had a moment to reflect. No wonder we are stressed out all the time. With all the inventions and technology available today, you would think that our lives would be less strained and hectic.

My first client, Mrs. H., wanted me to pick up a few groceries at the supermarket and a prescription at the pharmacy. I walked into the store through the automatic doors and walked over to a "auto-shopper station." This particular store was one of a few select locations that was testing the new system. You simply click on images of the products you wish to purchase and hit enter. Using either a credit or bank ATM card your purchases are charged. At the moment, the system could only be used for five or less items. Minutes later a clerk showed up with my items already bagged.
....Then I was off to the pharmacy across the lot. I went to the drive-up window, picked up the prescription, paid for it and was on my way.
....After completing my duties for the next two clients who only required some light house cleaning, my stomach automatically signaled me that it was almost noon. Because of all the hustle and bustle of the day at that point, I decided fast food du jour was in order. In the drive-up lane at McDonalds I ordered, paid for and picked up a Big Mac, a small order of fries and a vanilla milk shake.
....The next two clients also wanted only a little bit of cleaning done for them. My last chore of the day was to deliver a package of paperwork to a lawyer's office for a house-bound elderly man. The law firm was on the fourth floor of an office building in that town's center. I passed through a set of automatic doors and took an express elevator to the office.
....By the time I pulled into my driveway, activated the garage door opener, clicked the remote to lock the truck's door, and clicked the garage shut, I ambled my way to the house.

At long last, shoes off and slippers on, I settled back into my Lazy Boy and reached for the TV remote. Where my day had begun, it had come to an end. I reflected on the stress I had endured on that long day at work. I mused that one day, maybe my grand children will have an easier life. Maybe they'll have technology in existence then that will improve the quality of their lives. I wonder if my grand parents had those same thoughts?
....Suddenly my cell phone began to play the theme to Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was my wife asking me if I had remembered to pick up the milk and a loaf of bread on the way home. I hadn't. (See what I mean about stress?)

You know, I did think of at least one thing that could have made the kind of day I'd had better. If only I had one of those Star Trek teleporters to whisk me from the house to the truck and vice versa! There's gotta be a better way!

No.764

Friends Don't Let Friends Blog Drunk

One fine day in Jurassic Park

Because it was deemed too intense for small children, this scene was cut from the movie.
The cheers from the parents may have caused psychological damage.


Kids never learn!

Gepetto, certain that his son had learned a valuable lesson about about the virtues of telling the truth, rewarded him with a computer for his birthday.
The boy's grades at school improved.
Pinnochio was doing so good until he discovered girls, My Space and chat rooms.

Choosing your friends...

Be mindful of the circles in which you travel. Always remember that the people with whom you associate may be a reflection of your good judgement and true character.
Never choose friends or staff personnel who are as arrogant, as insensitive and as stupid as you.
Even if you are President Bush, you will only be remembered as an idiot.

You can be replaced.

There is no such thing as security. Nothing in life is guaranteed. All you can do on the job, is to do the best you can. If you were irreplaceable, you would be the President of your company. Taking pride in your work and striving for success will make you a better person. Happiness at work will be reflected at home, and vice versa.
If you are satisfied, your significant other will be satisfied also.

Social life etiquette

The bar scene and the rules of dating have changed significantly over the years. You should make sure you know what behavior is and isn't acceptable.
You no longer pump the girls with drinks to lower their inhibitions. They just might be turning the tables and buying the drinks to get you in a weakened state.
These days women know what they want and go for it. Remember men, when a woman says no, she means no! But if she says yes, you had better not say no!

Technology in the home

In the modern world, yesterday's technology is obsolete today. You buy one model of a computer or cell phone today, and by tomorrow the next model is on the shelves.
Because these technologies permeate even your home life, you need to stay abreast of all the advancements.
It's a high-tech world and our lives revolve around these electronic gadgets. It's come to the point that we cannot live without them.
You'd better check your text messages and e-mails before you make any special plans or get any (ahem) ideas!

No.738