Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Your Mama Wears Combat Boots

This morning on NBC's The Today Show, there was another one of those "original" make-over segments. It is just what we all needed isn't it? That must have been quite a think-tank meeting back stage at the studio. Let's see, Matt and Katie on one side of the boardroom table, were probably across from Al and Co-Jo? With all that talent, the make-over savvy could only be rivaled by such a production as "the Sims."
~ This make-over should have someone special, someone all of America would want to see being made-over. The suspense was killing me during the eternity of a commercial break, after which the make-over guest would be announced. I was certain that they would make over someone who has been desperately crying out to be made-over, transformed into a more pleasing appearance. My fingers were crossed. It just had to be Joan Rivers! And why not throw in the daughter while they are at it?
~ Well, alas, that wasn't who they announced. It wasn't Meryl Streep either. Rats! Thankfully it wasn't Martha Stewart. Whew! That would have been some serious waste of air time, not to mention the truckload of cosmetics needed for such an overhaul. Besides, can beauty cream make-over a personality deficiency?
~ Disappointed as I was, I had to admit that their choice was commendable. Their choice was more deserving than the others anyway. Would you believe they are making over between fifteen and twenty women of the U.S. Armed Forces? NBC had responded to an e-mail from one of the female soldiers. Their unit was finally coming home after an extended tour of duty in Iraq. They say Basra and Baghdad are lovely this time of year. (They also said that Seinfeld was funny!) Since the parenthesized is obviously not true, it is a safe bet to say the same for the former.
~ Since Levitra, Oil of Olay and Kelloggs Fruit Loops were picking up the tab, the Today Show make-over specialists were there at the base when when the unit disembarked from the luxurious C-130 Hercules planes. As the G.I. Janes, Jeans and Judys filed into the hangar led by G.I. Sgt. Bertha, I thought "I sat through those commercials for this?"
~ Well, to make a short story long, shortly after the soldiers had been debriefed, the make-over began. You've all seen at one time or another these make-over shows, so it should come as no surprise if I told you the transformations were quite dramatic. You've never seen a make-over until you've seen a change from fatigues to formals. Khakis and safari hats gave way to high heels and plunging necklines. Dogtags morphed into necklaces.
~ I would be remiss if I didn't throw in an obligatory "oh, by the way." Oh, by the way, there were several of them who looked better in the khakis. As evident by the hooting and howling and wolf whistles from the men in the unit, a lot of them were knockouts! The aforementioned several were told to put the khakis back on! Apparently agreeing with their critics, some of them went to the dressing room and did just that. For some reason, the men of the outfit had much more interest than before in their distaff numbers.
~ Shortly, as the Today Show crew was wrapping up, the families of the soldiers were allowed access to their loved ones. Something tells me that those civilian husbands and boyfriends were hugging and kissing their made-over wives and girlfriends with a lot more passion than they might have had they been in fatigues.
~ Two young boys, probably friends, were standing by their parents who were still embracing. One was standing next to a young woman in a sexy dress with a thigh-high slit. The other lad was with one who had changed back into here government issues.
~ The first boy was overheard saying to the other, "Your mama wears combat boots!"
No. 113

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