Friday, March 17, 2006

Psychic Blarney

Happy St. Patrick's Day! May the luck of the Irish be with all you lads and lassies! Erin go braugh-less!

The beauty and the bane of my job is that I get to drive around most of the day from house to house and town to town. The bane is the wear and tear on my wheels. The bane is dealing with the good, the bad and the ugly side of other drivers out there.
....The beauty is that I get to interact on a personal level with a lot of people. This interaction allows me the satisfaction of helping those who need help, the elderly especially. The beauty of my job is that this same interaction often gives me fodder for my Blog. My archives are generously littered with that fodder in the form of anecdotal postings. Today is no exception.

I was on an errand for an elderly couple to pick up some prescriptions at one of a few remaining neighborhood drug stores. This establishment proudly uses the word 'Apothecary' instead of Pharmacy on the facade of its building. I live in the same neighborhood and I, like all of its patrons, enjoy a friendly first name relationship with those who work there. Nearby there is a Housing Development for Senior citizens and the residents there make up a large percentage of the store's clientele.

The druggist was dealing with an animated, talkative lady, the only other customer in the store at that moment. He was listening politely to what sounded like so much blather to me. "Joe, did I tell you that I scored a 95 on the test?"
...."No, I don't believe you did," he replied. "What test was that?"
...."You don't remember? I have been accepted to Astrology College!"
....I think the pharmacist and I were formulating the same question in our minds. There is an Astrology College?
...."Really?" he said. "Where is that college? Is it around here?" Joe looked past her at me. I shrugged to assure him that I'd never heard of it either.
...."I'm not too sure," she answered. "It doesn't mater anyway. I'm going there through the mail."
...."Ah," Joe said, "A correspondence course."
...."I guess so. All I know is that I send my finished tests to them in the mail."
....Both Joe and I were beginning to see some humor in this exchange. Myself, I sensed some possible Blog material. I began to wonder just who was sponsoring this "Astrology College" - The Psychic Friends Network? I was thinking about that test on which she scored a 95. What kind of a test was it?
...."It's been a dream of mine to be a Psychic for a long time," she said. "I didn't think I passed the test at first."

Let me see if I got it straight. She took a test and scored a 95. She is mailing the test to the college. Why? Wouldn't the professors know if she passed the test? One would assume so. Then why the mail? Just how does she know how she did on the test? My brain was running on all cylinders. Ah, I think I know. The professors must have held a sceance and "channeled" to her.
....I was having a little trouble with the concept of the college. You can "learn" to be a psychic? You can be "taught" to be psychic? I was under the impression that this was a natural or latent or inherited ability. Why didn't she ace the test? Personally, I think this woman was going nowhere and getting there fast! I was reminded of the pathetic lows into which both Dionne Warwick and Ester Rolle had fallen as spokespersons for The Psychic Friends Network.
....My wandering mind was interrupted by the exchange taking place between the woman and Fay over at the cash register. She was buying a pack of gum. "Oh dear. I only have a twenty-dollar bill," she said. "I left eighty-seven cents on my dresser."
....She left change on her dresser? Wow, I thought to myself. This lady is good. Her psychic powers were incredible!
...."I'd better get a newspaper too," she said. "I better catch up on what's happening in the world."
....I thought to myself, "You don't know?"
....She turned and called over to Joe the Pharmacist, "Has my doctor called in my prescription yet?"
....Then it hit me. She knew. She was just testing us. Damn. She was good! I had a sudden urge to talk to her. It might have been a good idea to seek her advice on an important matter. She could tell me what teams were going to reach the NCAA Final Four. I had the copy of my brackets in my pocket. Her amazing precognition could help me win some money in the pool.
....I looked her over. She didn't look like a psychic. Come to think of it, just what does a psychic look like? She was wearing a raspberry stocking cap pulled down to her eyebrows. She was decked out in a lime green natty-looking fleece coat. The black and white Converse sneakers had matching laces, one red and the other black. Then there were the argyle stockings, one red and the other green with black patterns. I fought back the urge to laugh at her ability to match socks. She knew what she was wearing. Her powers were phenomenal! She knew that she had another pair just like them back home. It would be a stretch, but she may well have another set of matching shoelaces.

Once Joe had given me the prescription for my client, I left the drug store. As I was crossing the street to my truck, I was startled by the braking screech of tires! Behind me the Psychic had walked right into the path of an on-coming car. You'd have thought she would have known that the car was coming and would've stayed on the sidewalk until it passed. She wants to be a psychic? I don't think I would want her to read my palms.

As I was driving away, it suddenly occurred to me that she was in fact an impressive psychic after all. She knew the car would stop in time!



Peter said...

Hi Mike, I KNEW you were going to post about psychic's today, just as soon as I read the post title it came to me, pretty impressive hey?

Shannon akaMonty said...

I, for one, am in awe of Peter's psychic talents.

And I'm wondering...shouldn't she have known in advance that she would only score a 95 on the test?
And why didn't she score 100%?

They mystical world is fascinating. ;)

Nankin said...

When my sister was looking for jobs a few years back, she came across an add in the paper that read, "Phone psychics wanted. Training provided." Just how do you train to be a psychic?

Oh yeah, I forgot. You go to pshchotic school.

Ivy the Goober said...

How funny. When you were describing her, I kept picturing Maxine. Hmmm.

Erin go Braghless - you crack me up! ;)