Tuesday, July 18, 2006

What's In a Name?

A good story needs a good title.

Most prose is written before a title is assigned to it. Newspapers have headline writers. Some publishing companies have title writers.

Leave it to me, to put the carriage before the horse. I cannot count how many of my posts actually began with a title. As such, I keep a notebook of "non-working" titles. You might say they are unemployed titles.

These titles might range from puns to alliterations. They could be in the form of malapropisms. They might originate from existing movie, book or song titles. Sometimes they could be noted movie lines, or famous quotes and lyrics. Almost always I tend to add a twist to them or to mangle them, if you will.

I thought it might be interesting to use some of those "titles" collectively in a single post. For laughs, I added some possible scenarios if and when they are ever used. (Don't hold me to these scenarios.)

-1) I Could've Been A Bartender - A failed boxer spends evenings getting tossed out of bars.
-2) You Tolkien To Me? - A cab driver finds a wedding ring and struggles with a decision to turn it in or to pawn it.
-3) The Eiger Suction - In this sequel to Brokeback Mountain, the two men find themselves alone in the Swiss Alps.
-4) Raiders of the Lost Arcade - Indiana Jones discovers that Runic scriptures are actually "cheats" for video games.
-5) Show Me the Monkey - Playgirl magazine conducts its annual search for its Male Centerfold Of The Year.
-6) Go Ahead, Make My Day Bed - Dirty Harry now lives in an assisted living nursing home.
-7) Logan's Buns - Even in the future, streaking and exposed butt cracks are a bane to society.
-8) Dunga Din - The secret life of India's dung beetles.
-9) Stranded In The Jacuzzi - In Darkest Africa, Dr. Stanley locates Dr. Livingston at a health spa in a hot tub with the native women.
10) The Happy Cooker - Too old to turn tricks, Xavier Hollander takes up gourmet cooking in the nude. Only for the strong of stomach.
11) The Last Tanqueray In Paris - An older man has a torrid affair with a young woman until she runs out of gin.
12) Missing In Traction - Chuck Norris spends golden years looking for Veterans in hospitals.
13) Hooligans Island - British soccer fans get stranded on the same island where the Minnow went aground.
14) Romancing The Kidney Stone - Michael Douglas makes a fortune painting kidney stones for use on the bottom of fish tanks.
15) Spirit in the Sty - Babe the talking pig gets religion.
16) The Scarlet Litter - Hester Pryne breeds prize-winning show cats.
17) The Man of La Manga - Don Quixote in Italy where they have no windmills, has to tilt against the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
18) The Incredible Mr. Whip-it - Goofy little man makes a name for himself as a flasher.
19) The Fantastic Fools - Mr. Fantastic - George Bush, Invisible Girl - Laura, Human Torch - Rumsfeld, and The Thing - Cheney, battle America's will.
20) Close Encounters of the Thirsty Kind - Man gets drunk and builds science fair volcano.



Miss Cellania said...

Clever! You're gonna have to watch that publish and unpublish thing you do. I saw the first half of this one this morning. Don't leave me hanging like that!

Emmy Ellis said...

Spirit in the Sty - Babe the talking pig gets religion.



Emmy Ellis said...

P.S I followed your link to get myself a cool clock! Groovy!


Jack K. said...

I love it. I am tempted, but too lazy, to look at my book shelf and follow suit.


Keep up the fun stuff.

asgnogg-word verification

It connects to your posting somehow?

Shannon akaMonty said...

Did you know (and I posted about this..oh, over a year ago, I think) that sometimes I end up building a post around a title? :)

Fred said...

These are good! I'm hoping we can read the stories behind the titles someday.

Love the cartoon, too.

Raggedy said...

Very clever!
Have a wonderful day!
(=':'=) meow hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Raggedy one

Christina said...

"The Fantastic Fools" - brilliant!

Zambo said...


I hope all is well.

There were some really funny ones there! I'm glad you found them some "temporary employment"...

SHOW ME THE MONKEY!!! (hehehe).

Take care out there!

Your Pal,


Peter said...

Forever Amber fluid - A beer drinkers memoirs.
How the waist was won - Battle of the bulge.
Battle of the bulger - How the waist was won.

This is fun Mike.