Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Jokes From Earl

My buddy and sometime pinochle partner has been sending me a veritable plethora of material lately. For today, he has been nominated, seconded and elected as a guest poster.

Heavenly Fittings

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that," says St. Peter,"It's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. "Oh my God," says the old lady,"now what is happening?"

Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."

I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."

You can't go there,"says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and taken advantage of."

"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!"


The Romantic Husband

Husband and wife in bed together.

She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.

She: "Oh, that feels good."

His hand moves to her breast.

She: "Gee, honey, that feels wonderful."

His hand moves to her leg.

She: "Oh, honey, don't stop."

But he stops.

She: "Why did you stop?"

He: "I found the remote."
Subject: Golf Lessons

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while another
foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready
to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet. She goes over and whiffs
it completely.

Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another
five feet. She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says
apologetically, "I guess all those f...ing lessons I took over
the winter didn't help."

One of the men immediately responds, "Well, there you have it,
you should have taken golf lessons instead."

And God Created Woman......


Be Sure To Check Your Air Conditioner For The Summer



OldHorsetailSnake said...

Yikes! Would the Pointmeister have given us X-Rated stories and pix? I didn't think so....

Hale McKay said...

But you failed to mention that you liked it, Hoss!

Shannon akaMonty said...

As a woman, I can say that the VERY FIRST thing I noticed was that she was sucking her stomach in.

I didn't even notice the nips until I'd fully made fun of her in my mind for awhile. :D

Hale McKay said...

I'm afraid it was the "nips" that jumped out for us guys, Monty.

Raggedy said...

Heavenly Fittings was great!
Thanks Earl.

wazza said...

Gidday Mike,
Waal, here I am again trying to catch up with those "bloggers" I try to read as often as I can (and sometimes not as often as I should).
"And God Created Women" huh...well he sure did a fine job about that and no doubt some of your postings are a little political incorrect, but heck if you can't be daring sometimes on your own blog then where can you??