Monday, June 25, 2007

What's Your State's State?

While you were sitting at the computer surfing the net for days on end, your state senators have been in session. The agenda of their recent sessions has been to come up with new mottos for all 50 states and the District of Columbia. The following is the finalized list that has been submitted to Congress for approval:

Alababma: It isn't Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona: Dehyd-rific!

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character

Delaware: Please Call Before Visiting So We Can Make Room

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Gateway to Iowa

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: Land of James T. Kirk

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: Cheap Lobster

Maryland: A Thinking Man's Delaware

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

Minnesota: For Sale

Mississippi: Come Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work

Montana: Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, and Very Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away and Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want a ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney

North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable

North Dakota: Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!

Ohio: Don't Judge Us by Cleveland

Oklahoma: Like the Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Se Hablo Ingles

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!

Washington, DC: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!

Wisconsin: Come To Cut Some Cheese

Wyoming: Wynot?



Peter said...

Even to an Aussie they sound believable Mike.

Anonymous said...

Mike...dig the James T. Kirk thing for Iowa. Most people wouldn't realize it.

Seriously, though...why not John Wayne? Or Tom Arnold?

Hale McKay said...

Sudie, in doing that, wouldn't it follow that Massachusetts should mention Ted Kennedy?

Webmiztris said...

Cook with Coal? I don't know anyone who cooks with coal in PA! lol maybe the amish folks. :)

Hale McKay said...

Dawn, do you suppose they meant char-coal?

Sudie, I think you're right. Only Star Trek fans would have seen it.