My Little Girl

~

My Little Girl

~

Watching

My little girl

Grow up before my eyes;

Soon she will be leaving my world,

Walking the aisle with her lucky young man.

He mother and I wish the best,

Though we will be alone

We will be there

Watching.

~

Hoping

My Little girl

And he have a long life,

With many days of happiness;

Knowing we will be here in times of need,

The home left behind will be near.

We will be there gladly

With open arms

Hoping

~

Someday

My little girl

With children of her own,

Will see them grow before her eyes

And walk the aisle as she had done before,

Grandma and Grandpa will watch too.

She will not be alone

They will return

Someday.

~

No.200

Bawbwa Does Dubyew

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Bawbwa: Welcome folks to my excwusive wate night interview with Pwesident Dubyew. Welcome Mr. Pwesident!
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Dubyew: Thank you, Barbara. And hello, my fellow Americans.
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Bawbwa: We understand you just had a compwete check-up. I twust everything was alwight.
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Dubyew: That's right. I got a clean bill of health. In fact, I got weighed just before coming here.
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Bawbwa: You did? Did you wike it?
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Dubyew: What's that?
~
Bawbwa: When you got weighed, you must have wiked it. Did Waura wike it too? I'll bet she just wuved it!
~
Dubyew: No, no, Barbara. Laura wasn't even there!
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Bawbwa: Then who did you weigh, Mr. Pwesident?
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Dubyew: I didn't weigh anyone. They weighed me!
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Bawbwa: They? Mr. Pwesident, are you twying to tell me you got weighed in a menage-a-twa with two women?
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Dubyew: Two women? Oh, I see. You're talking about the dessert I had with lunch. It was lemon meringue.
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Bawbwa: Women mewang? Is that what high wanking officials call phiwandering now a days?
~
Dubyew: Barbara, I feel like I'm being interviewed by Elmer Fudd!
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Bawbwa: Elmer? Elmer is my speech instwuctor. He was getting weighed with you too?
~
Dubyew: Barbara! Why are you removing your blouse?
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Bawbwa: Sowwy, but I'm getting wather wandy! All this talk aboutt getting weighed is making me vewy wight-headed.
~
Dubyew: Ah, your network wants to go to a commercial, right now.
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Bawbwa: No! It's getting wate. We still have a wot of gwound to discuss.
~
Dubyew: Yes. Didn't you want to talk about Saddam?
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Bawbwa: You mean Sa-dawm? You know rhymes with bomb.
~
Dubyew: Sodomy? Barbara, what kind of subject is that?
~
Bawbwa: Well, you bwought it up. (Hee-hee!) Is that why you cwossed your wegs?
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Dubyew: Sa-dawm? Sodomy? I meant Saddam .. you know..in jail..Hussein!
~
Bawbwa: Hmm, yes I guess it's sad it's Quayle whose insane. But why bwing up that woser?
~
Dubyew: I just noticed, Barbara, without your blouse I can see that you have love handles. Maybe you should get weighed.
~
Bawbwa: Mr. Pwesident! Are you saying you want to weigh me?
~
Dubyew: I'll tell you what, we'll get weighed together.
~
Bawbwa: Well, people usuwalwy get weighed together. Don't you and Waura?
~
Dubyew: You want Laura to get weighed with us too?
~
Bawbwa: Well, all I can say, is that tonight will be a gwound bweaking wesson for the network.
~
Dubyew: Wesson oil? Sounds kinky.
~
Bawbwa: No wesson. You know wike a histowy wesson.
~
Dubyew: Ah. A lesson to deal with slippery situations. I see.
~
Bawbwa: A wesson in wate-night pwogwamming! This pwogwam is only on for one hour. There's not much time weft.
~
Dubyew: It doesn't take but a minute or two to get weighed.
~
Bawbwa: Why, Mr. Pwesident. You mean to tell me you are a minute man? Uh, never mind. They will wish they awowed at weast two hours to show America a wusty Bawbwa weighing Dubyew and Waura wive at the same time! The people will simpwy wuv it!
~
Dubyew: No cameras, Barbara. It is a private matter getting weighed. Come on, let's go get weighed.
~
Bawbwa: Good night, America.
~
Dubyew: Hey! That's my wine!
~
No.199

We Don't Need No Stinking Chocolate!

~
Lexington, Ky. -
~ When Norreasha Gill tuned into WLTO-FM radio, she heard the Night host, DJ Slick announce that there would be a contest in which one lucky listener could win 100 grand. After listening for two hours, she quickly pushed the button to speed dial the station when Slick announced that caller number 10 would win the prize. The listeners in the area heard Slick announce her as he winner of the 100 grand.
~ Gill, a gleeful winner, spread the news to her family. Before going to bed, she promised her children - ages 1, 5 and 11 - that they'd have a minivan, a shopping spree, a savings account, and a home with a back yard.
~ She went to the radio station the next morning to pick up her prize, only to asked to come back later. When she returned home, she discovered that a station manager had called and left a message explaining she had won a Nestles' 100 Grand candy bar, not money. The woman was not pleased.
~ In response to her return call, the station offered her $5,000. "I said I wanted $95,000 more," she said. "Nobody would watch and listen for two hours for a candy bar."
~ As a result, she has sued Cumulus Media, which owns the station, saying the station and its parent company breached a contract to pay $100,000 to the contest winner. The station, however, says the contest was sponsored by DJ Slick himself, and was not conducted by the station. Meanwhile, Slick has apparently left his job. A spokesman Cumulus Media noted that the contest never once referred to the prize as money, and the word "dollars" had not been used.
~ "What hurts me is they were going to get me in front of my children, all dressed up, and hand me a candy bar, after all those promises I made to them," she told the Lexington Herald-Leader. "You just don't do that to people." -Associated Press.
~
This blogger will be holding his breath until Norreasha Gill's day in court. Will she get her check? Or will the judge slam the gavel and award her a candy bar? One way to look at it, I suppose, either way she's going to get 100 grand!
~ Talk about having your chocolate and eating it too!
~
No.198

Bits and Pieces - Answers

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On Monday, 6/20, I posted "Bits and Pieces," blog number 191. It was one of those nothing-in-particulr-to-say postings, so I plugged in a few thoughts, quotes and trivia questions. To date, only DottyLoulou posted a comment in attempt to answer the questions. It was too early to tested, but over breakfast she tried. Thank you, Dotty, by the way. I don't know if she is anxious for he answers, but in all fairness, I will post them here today.
~ Anyone else who happens to stumble upon this posting will be in the wagon before the horse predicament. You may want to stop reading here and go read posting number 191 to see the questions and perhaps try to answer them, before reading any further. (Then again, one sure-fire way to pass any test is have the answers first!)
~ Anyway, as promised here are the answers:
~
The Tormented:
~
a) Krazy Kat
b) Tom Terrific
c) Underdog
d) Beany and Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent
e) Dudley Do-Right
f) King Leonardo
g) Popeye
h) Rocky and Bullwinkle
~
The Group: The Highwaymen
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Cowsills Song Title: The Rain, The Park, and Other Things
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Mack the Knife Girls: Jenny Diva, Lottie Lenya, Sookie Tawdry, and old Lucy Brown
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He disappeared: Louie Miller (after drawing out all his hard-earned cash)
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The Rifleman's horse: Razor
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Dudley Do-Right's horse: Horse
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( I'll admit that these were not easy trivia questions, but if anyone learned a few facts to stump friends, then they weren't a total waste of time.)
~
No.197

Honey-Do Vacation

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It's hard to get excited about my vacation next week, it actually starts Friday after work and runs through the fifth of July. Don't get me wrong. I do need a week off from the job, but it won't necessarily be a relaxing week. I may just go back to work needing the rest. I have two projects that will be the main focus of the week. The one consolation will be that I can sleep in a little later each morning. (And stay up a little later.)
~ It will be the "revenge of the honey-do list." First, there is the bathroom. The wall paper has to be stripped. The woodwork has to be scraped. The ceiling has to scrubbed for some mildew spots. That, my friends, is just the preparation phase. Next will be the cleanup of course. Then the fun stuff can begin. The ceiling will be painted and then the woodwork. Lastly, I will be hanging the new wall paper. Thank you, Lord, it is not matched paper!
~ Omitted from the previous paragraph is the break time, which will allow me some relaxation for at least drafting a blog or two. Oh yes, I will sneak in a bite to eat also. Hey, I'm not getting paid union scale! I can probably sneak in a few games of Spelldown too over at Yahoo.
~ Finally, there is the kitchen. There, the tiles need to be replaced. That means I have to pull up the old ones and discard them. I will also have to rip off he old coving, the mop guard some call it. The old tiles were the peel-and-stick ones. Not so the new ones. They are the asphalt kind and they must be glued down. If you have ever laid tiles, you probably are aware of all the cutting required for the areas next to the walls. My kitchen floor will require five-inch cut pieces all around the perimeter. When that is finished, it will be time for the application of the new coving, also needing to be glued in place.
~ Those two projects are part of the on-going projects in preparation of my daughter's up-coming wedding on October the ninth. There are other chores, can you say myriad, that need to be done before that date also. They are smaller, easier jobs, some requiring an investment of an hour or two. I chose to do the two big jobs during a week of vacation, because there is too much going on during the weekends lately. I could foresee the bathroom started one weekend and not finished until the next, which in this case would be the Fourth of July weekend. By then, the bathroom would be going into a third weekend. I can only imagine the friendly "discussions" over the state of the project.
~ My wife's desire for these chores are justified, I must admit. Did I just say that? She wants the house to look good, especially the bath room and the kitchen. She would say, "I can't have the house looking like this for the wedding. The Maid-of-Honor and the Bridesmaids will be here the day of the wedding." I can find no logical reason to convince her otherwise. It is a Catch-11 for me. In a Catch-22 situation, you are wrong no matter what. But in a Catch-11 scenario, there is only one option - do it!
~ The other chores are weekenders. Wash the windows, fix a sticking door, carry a lot of stuff to the attic or the basement, or carry stuff up from the basement and down from the attic. Of course, the basement and attic relocation work will be in turn reversed after the wedding. It may only be June, but October will creep upon us before we know it.
~ After the bathroom and the kitchen, the honey-do list will dwindle significantly. Hell, it'll be almost manageable. I might actually be able to check off everything by the time summer is over. However, there is one item that I will personally add to the list. And that last item on the list? ..."Throw away that (bleeping) Honey-Do List note holder along with the pad!"
~
No.196

A Blog To Be Named Later

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( I Remember reading about this contest a while back, but I kind of forgot about it. )
~
From May 19, through June 9, Eyebeam, a New York non-profit center for art and technology, sponsored a contest to prove just how rapidly any information can be spread on the World Wide Web. Sixty sites were entered and Forget Me Not Panties, Crying While Eating, and Blogebrity were the winners of the Contagious Media Showdown awards.
~ Forget Me Not Panties ( www.forgetmenotpanties.com ) won the $2000 grand prize. It had 615,562 unique visitors and more than 20 million hits to the site in 22 days. The sight offered panties to track your unsuspecting wife or girlfriend; boasting: "These panties can give you her location, and even her temperature and heart rate, and she will never even know it's there!"
~ Crying While Eating ( www.cryingwhileeating.com ) won two $1000 prizes while gaining 386,638 unique visitors and more than 13 million viewings of 30-second video clips with, well, people crying while eating. It began with staged clips, accompanied by helpful one-line descriptions of the food and the source of the subjects' sadness. Readers have added additional video clips, boosting the total to 46. Readers can vote for their favorites, such as Spencer, gnawing on ribs while allegedly bawling because "his co-joined twin didn't make it." There is Dan, eating pot roast and mashed potatoes while sitting on the toilet, crying because he "failed to plan ahead."
~ Blogebrity ( blogebrity.com ) preyed upon the egos of bloggers by not only promising a magazine about the on-line journalists, but also ranking them as A-, B-, or C-Listers. The site won $1000 for having the most blog links at 490.
~
Other sites featured a masked Ringtone Dancer, a movie about brain freeze and a break-up letter generator. These three, the three listed above, as well the other 54 entrants can be found listed at showdown.contagiousmedia.org .
~
If you are interested you can visit the three winners via the links provided above, or you can visit the showdown site through the last link to review all the entrants.
~
~ ( Please note, that after I had posted this, I clicked on the links and all four of them came up: URL not found. I can only assume that they were shut down after the contest. My apologies if this caused you any grief.)
~
No.195

Monkey Business

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London- Art collectors often joke that a chimpanzee could paint better some contemporary artists. On Monday, they were proven right. Three paintings by an ape sold at auction for more than $25,000.
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Howard Hong, a California telecommunications consultant paid $26,352 for three abstract works by Congo the chimp. The sale price far exceeded the pre-sale estimates of $1000 - $1500. Hong said he was prepared to pay $50,000.
~
He said, "Many people have said to me, 'There is a cheaper solution - buy a chimpanzee and put it in a room with some paper and paint.' But on a purely artistic level when I saw the paintings, they struck me."
~
Congo, who died in 1964, produced about 400 drawings and paintings between he ages of two and four, and is world's most celebrated animal artist, according to Howard Rutkowski, director of impressionist and modern art for Bonham's auction house.
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"It is not just any chimp - it is Congo," Rutkowski said, "If you own a Congo, you are in the company of Picasso and Miro."
~
If you ask me, anyone who would pay $26,000 for a piece of "art" made buy an ape, would more likely be in the company of Tarzan. The same person probably comes from the Planet of the Apes. I am certain that both Picasso and Miro would be tickled pink to know they were in the company of Congo. Let me get this straight, I were to put a canvas down on the floor and pour some paint around it, and let my cats pace back and forth from paint to canvas, the resulting "masterpiece" might fetch $26,000?
~
Here, kitty, kitty!
~
No.194

Hold The Froot Loops!

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Saddam Hussein loves Doritos, but hates Froot Loops. He admires President Reagan, thinks Clinton was okay, and considers both Presidents Bush as no good. He talks a lot, worries about germs, and insists he is still the President of Iraq. - Herald Wire Services
~ Those and other details about his life in U.S. military custody appear in the July issue of GQ Magazine. The article is based on interviews with five Pennsylvania National Guard soldiers who maintained guard duty detail of the fallen Iraqi despot for ten months.
~ While the Pentagon had no comments, the GIs said Saddam had harsh words for the Bushes, both of whom went to war against him. "The Bush father, son, no good," one of the soldiers quoted Saddam. He was further quoted that he held no harsh feelings and wanted to talk to George W., to make friends with him. In another quote, Saddam said, "He knows I have nothing, no mass weapons. He knows he will never find them."
~ The Guardsmen said that he sometimes danced alone in his cell and wrote poetry. He was friendly with all the young guards, and even offered fatherly advice at times. At one point, he even invited the soldiers to visit Iraq once he is acquitted and back in power. He said to them, "I'll show you around my country. You are like sons to me."
~ The soldiers also said that Hussein was a "clean freak" who washed his hands after hand shakes and used diaper wipes to clean meal trays and utensils before eating. He had a definitive fear of germs. Saddam preferred Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast, and told the guards, "No Froot Loops!" He would eat chicken and fish, but rejected beef. For a while, his favorite snack was Cheetos, and when the supply run out, he became grumpy. One day they gave him Doritos and he forgot about Cheetos.
~
Not bad treatment, I'd say, for a toppled dictator, is it? Imagine, of all the time-tested techniques of torture and interrogation one could impose upon such a ruthless man, a simple switch of the contents of a cereal bowl could soothe or ruffle his feathers!
~ Picture if you will, the following exchange between the commanding officer of the prison compound and one of the guards:
~
What's that, soldier? Saddam refuses to take a shower this morning, sir! Very well, give him Froot Loops for breakfast then. Yes, sir!
~ He said that President Bush is a pile of camel dung, sir. He did, did he? Take away his Doritos! Yes, sir!
~ Excuse me, sir? Yes, soldier? It seems we mis-translated the Arabic, sir. He didn't say the President was a pile of camel dung, sir. He said the President is full of camel dung, sir.
~ Okay, give him back his Doritos and Raisin Bran. Yes, sir!
~
No.193

The Exorcist

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When I heard it last night, I thought it might be a report on a new movie in production, or a horror movie retrospective at a movie house in Harvard Square. After all, I only caught the tail-end of the report. The mention of vampires, werewolves, and especially Transylvania can evoke thoughts of the horror genre. There was also an exorcism mentioned, which also made me think of a movie being filmed.
~ Since the set was tuned to the Biography channel, I guessed that maybe they had a bio on Linda Blair. The location was certainly apropos; a convent in northwestern Romania near Arad on the border of Transylvania. This area of course has been the realm of vampires and werewolves.
~ I soon went to bed and forgot the whole thing. It was forgotten until the next morning, that is. Skimming through the morning paper over a cup of coffee, I noticed an article at the bottom of page five. The headline read: Priest's Exorcism Results In Death. It was like a Paul Harvey moment .."And now for the rest of the story." Remembering Linda Blair and the film "The Exorcist," I thought that it certainly was life imitating art.
~ A priest and four nuns face up to twenty years in prison for the death of a 23-year-old woman. The woman had been chained to a cross, gagged and starved in the cellar of a Romanian convent in a bizarre rite of exorcism. According to local police, the woman died of suffocation, a towel having been stuffed in her mouth to muzzle her screams.
~ Maricica Irina Cornici had been raised in an orphanage before becoming a nun. The woman was a schizophrenic, given to rapid mood swings. These changes in personality led some of the other nuns in the convent to surmise she was possessed by the devil. Thus Father Daniel, a Romanian Orthodox priest, crucified her for three days, reciting prayers to banish her evil spirits.
~ Father Daniel, a large man with a red beard and glowing eyes, showed no remorse when he was arrested. "God has performed a miracle for her," he proclaimed. "At last Irina has been delivered from evil."
~ While forced fasting is sometimes considered a part of the exorcism ritual, the Romanian press decried the practice as an act of torture. "I don't understand why journalists are making such a fuss about this," the priest said. The defiant nuns had refused to speak to the press or discuss God's will.
~ Michaela Straub, a police spokesperson, said the five would be charged with 'depriving a victim of freedom, leading to death' - a charge normally applied to hostage-takers. She also noted that Father Daniel seemed only too happy to have performed the grim exorcism.
~ I normally try to find a humorous angle to my postings, but I have to apologize, for I cannot find a reason to laugh with or at this story. I can only liken the four nuns to the two girls whose charges led to the infamous witch trials of Salem, Mass., nearly 400 years ago.
~ As for me, I find this story disturbing. In this day and age with the legacies of memory and knowledge of past atrocities, how can there still be such superstitious and pagan beliefs? How can a man and women of faith sink to such lowly depths?
~
No.192

Bits and Pieces

~
When the creative juices aren't flowing, I usually have a few observations, quotes, and trivia questions at the ready for such times. It is, almost was, Fathers Day and I am a little spent. At a cook-out I gorged myself on three cheeseburgers, chips, fruit cubes, chocolate cake and ice cream, all which was washed down with a couple of cups of coffee. From 2:00 in the afternoon until 7:00 this evening, all of the above provided sustenance during the baseball game on one TV and golf on another.
~
"I'm in pieces, bits and pieces" (The Dave Clark 5)
~
At least ten doctors have told me I'm suffering from paranoia. What is this, some kind of conspiracy?
~
Here is a list of some lovable cartoon villains you might remember (some anyway) -Who do think was the meanest?
(a) Ignatz Mouse, ( b) Crabby Appleton, ( c) Simon Bar Sinister, (d) Dishonest John, (e) Snidely Whiplash, (f) Biggie Rat and Itchy Brother, (g) Bluto, (h) Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale
~ That, of course is subjective. But can name who each of them tormented? You have the bad guy, who are good guys?
~
In 1985, Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, Waylon Jennings, and Kris Kristoferson formed what touring group?
~
"I love the flower girl.." sang the Cowsills in the 60's hit. Do you know the exact title of the song?
~
Bobby Darin's "Mack The Knife" mentions the first and last names of four women. Can you name them? For extra credit, from the same song, who disappeared? (Also first and last name)
~
When I order pizza, I have to tell them to make it six slices, because I cannot eat eight slices of pizza!
~
"To sit in the shade on a fine day and look upon verdure is the most perfect enjoyment." (Jane Austen)
~
Most everyone Knows that Roy Rogers' horse was Trigger, the Lone Ranger's was Silver, and Lash LaRue's was Rush,* so you probably know that the Rifleman, Lucas McCain's horse was named ______?_______.**
~
Speaking of horses, what was the name of Dudley Do-Right's horse?
~
I have either: (a) bored you, (b) angered you, (c) or intrigued you. Credit for this question is worth 84 points, while all others are worth one each, a total of 16 to make a perfect score of 100.
~
No.191
~
*Actually not many people do know this.
** Not many know this either.

Going Commercial

~
I resisted at first. I tried, I really did. Maybe I didn't put up much of a fight. But in the end, I gave up. I wanted no part of banner ads. I decided also to stay away from the ads that appear in the side bar. That reminds me, I picked up a pebble on the highway yesterday. Sure enough, it cracked my windshield. So I called the pros at Car Glass Giants. In no time at all they were in my driveway replacing the glass. If you are need of a windshield and want fast and dependable service, call 1-800-CARGLAS. You'll be glad you did.
~ I especially wanted no ads that would induce pop-ups onto unsuspecting readers. Those of you who have them, please get rid of them! They are very annoying. Excuse me while I take a sip from a 12-ounce can of Polka Cola. The two leading brands were afraid to invite us to their taste tests. Why? Because Polka Cola is the best! Now available in handy fridge packs. I did however, relent to commercials for this posting as a trial run. I chose unobtrusive ads, those that appear subtly in the text. They blend in seamlessly and are not a distraction to the reader.
~ When taking photographs, always remember to use authenic Kayak photo-quality paper for professional results. I have to admit I was a little apprehensive at first. Was a source of income worth any negative feedback from the readers? I have to admit that the flow of this blog seems to be smooth and uninterrupted. For whiter whites and brighter brights, try new and improver Apex laundry detergent, from the makers of Goofy Goop, the wonder glue.
~ It goes without saying, a good blog needs to be continuous and adhere to the theme intended. There should not be any disjointed sentences...Men, are you having trouble in the bedroom? Does your woman say, "It's okay, you're probably tired?" Try our new male stimulant, Hardman. Make your woman say, "Oh my, you want to go again!" So if you want to stay hard, man, get Hardman today!...or choppy fragmented thoughts. Your goal is to be eloquent and yet terse and to the point. Above all, it should be entertaining. You want readers and you want them to keep coming back.
~ If you choose to use ads on your site, choose those ads that are subtle and don't interfere with your blogs. Above all try not to choose ads that may offend others. Do you sometimes have trouble containing gas after eating? Try our new Gas-B-Gone. Our capsules blend with your digested foods and helps you to produce pleasant aromas. No longer will your company detect foul odors. Our product comes in a variety of scents, such as lilac, rose, vanilla, apple pie, and the latest, strawberries and cream.
~ I guess the real test will be when the visitors to my site sample this blog. With ads or without ads, that is the question?
~ This blog has been sponsored by the makers of Pate Wax. Tired of a dull bald spot? Make it sparkle with Pate Wax. Until next time, we will see you here at the same blog spot at the same blog time. Keep blogging, bloggers!
~
NO.190

Dumpster Diving

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Hardly an Olympic event, dumpster diving is being practiced in most major cities. "...And now at dumpster number one, representing the USA is Wendy Cobb. Cobb will attempting a one-and-a-half Gainer in the pike position."
~ Cobb, 38, of Framingham, Ma., found out Thursday morning just how dangerous the sport of dumpster diving can be. She has had extensive practice diving for redeemable aluminum cans. It seems on this day however, she forgot to check the local pick-up time for this particular neighborhood.
~ Little did she know that her morning foray would turn into a very trashy ordeal. Her previous dives had produced a dozen cans to that point. Apparently she did not hear the garbage truck as it pulled up to the dumpster. Nonetheless, she did feel the hydraulic arms picking up the dumpster. Tossed and pitched along with the trash, to say she was frightened would be putting it mildly. From the open top of the dumpster she could see the building and the metal fire escape moving past her. The arms' relentless movement had carried the dumpster over and beyond the cab of he garbage truck.
~ The noise of the truck's hydraulics and the cry of metal against metal drowned out her screams and cries for help. No one heard her as she along with the dumpster's contents were tilted and sent tumbling into the gaping jaws of the garbage truck's collection tank.
~ Even as the hydraulic arms reversed direction to return the dumpster to its original resting place, she was trying to climb out of the back of the truck. Her hope of escape turned to terror when she heard a new and more terrifying sound. There was movement beneath and around her. Her screams became louder, more desperate as she realized that the truck's compactor had been activated. She would be crushed as surely as the trash in which she was stranded.
~ Michael J. Marotta, the operator of the garbage truck saw a man running toward him, waving his arms frantically and shouting. He immediately shut off the equipment. He could not believe what Jimmy Pennet of Ashland had told him, that someone had been in that dumpster. Somehow the man had heard screams from inside the truck.
~ The two men could only fear the worse, for they heard nothing after the compactor had stopped. Once he had climbed onto the truck and peered inside the trash tank, the driver signaled that the person inside was okay. Perhaps in shock, or just spent after all her screaming, the woman had just collapsed and lay still.
~ A short while later, Cobb was treated for some minor injuries. She had sustained a sprain ankle, a few scrapes and some bruises. Otherwise, she seemed unaffected by her ordeal. She told a reporter on hand that she thought she was going to die. But she was glad to be alive. The EMTs, satisfied that she was okay, decided there was no need to transfer to a hospital. A police officer on the scene, who happened to be in the Dunkin' Donuts next door decided not to file charges against the woman. He did inform her that climbing into dumpsters was considered trespassing, a misdemeanor.
~ Curiously (or not surprisingly) the woman was very upset that garbage truck driver refused to let her retrieve her cans. She watched the truck drive away until it was out of sight. She was last seen walking away down the street, probably lamenting the fate of those cans. Those twelve cans, redeemable for 60 cents, seemed more important than her brush with death.
~ After reading the story in the Friday, June 17 edition of the Boston Herald, I was left with mixed feelings. Just who was Wendy Cobb? Why doesn't she just get a job? Was this the first time she had been called trash? Did she go diving right into the very next dumpster found? That cop, did he return to the coffee shop before or after he made out his report? Do coffee spots on a report make it official? But the most burning question I had was, "Can I make a blog out of this?"
~ I'll close with just one more thought, this time about the garbage truck operator. What a novel way to pick up women!
~
No.189

Birdie, Birdie In The Sky

~
Minding my own business, I was just doing my job. I parked where I usually park in front of a client's house. I hadn't even reached the stairs when ...Splat! I was "tagged" by a blue jay perched in a tree about fifteen feet above me. He got me square on the shoulder.
~ Hoping to make eye contact with it, I wanted to let that dirty bird know just what I thought of him. It hopped to another branch on the far side of the tree. I heard another "splat." That time the little marksman got the windshield of my truck.
~ An hour later, as I was leaving the client's home, I dared a glance up into the tree. I was relieved to see that the tree appeared to be vacant. Dismayed, I surveyed my windshield, only to discover that it had been tagged twice more. I think Mr. Jay had been getting a little too much fiber!
~ Splat! Splat! Two smart-bombs made their mark, one on the bill of my cap and the other on the sleeve of my shirt. Did I say smart-bombs? Perhaps smart-guano would have been more accurate.
~ I was suddenly reminded of a silly ditty we used to recite as kids. "Birdie, birdie in the sky. Birdie, birdie on he fly. Dropped whitewash in my eye. But I do not cry, I thank God horse don't fly!"
~ Remember that Hitchcock film "The Birds?" I think old Alfred missed the boat. If he really wanted to terrify the audience, he should have had the sea gulls make a few "bombing runs." A couple of well placed guano shots to a few faces would have had them screaming in the aisles!
~ I yelled up at that damned blue jay, "Go ahead! Go ahead. Everyone else does." I shook my head and grabbed a damp rag from my tool box. As I wiped the mess from my arm, I glanced at the tree and muttered, "I must have a target on my back." I had the strangest feeling that somewhere near, Gary Larson was lurking, observing this drama. I'm sure he must have gotten some good ideas. Maybe this would be funny enough to bring him out of retirement to resume his strip. Hmm, perhaps there is a boneless blue jay ranch.
~ The second verse of that silly ditty buzzed inside my head. "Birdie, birdie with a pretty bill. Birdie, birdie on my window sill. Led him in ... With crumbs of bread, Slammed the sash on his little head!"
~ Now, now wait!! I would never hurt a bird or any other creature for that matter. I would never do such a thing. My anger at the "innocent" jay manifested itself in my recital of that dumb childish song. I was just recalling the events of that morning. The disclaimer is to assure everyone that I am an animal lover.
~ By the way, there is another verse to that ditty. "Birdie, birdie down in the yard. Birdie, birdie I hit you too hard. It's not whitewash in my eye. It is the tears that I cry. I pray to God, it will get up and fly!"
~ I would be remiss not to add the following joke:
~
On tall pedestals on either side of the entrance to a botanical garden stood two nude statues of a man and a woman. They are reaching out to each other in vain. Their out-stretched arms instead formed and archway. The passing pedestrians seemed to be unaware of the two beautiful sculptures.
~ One evening, an angel floated down and landed beneath the separated couple. "It is so sad that you two stand guard over this lovely garden. You see the many couples in love who pass beneath you. They have what you cannot have."
~ There was a twinkling of bright lights all around the statues. No one passed as these two beautiful bronze figures came to life. They leaped down from their marble perches and approached each other. They were no longer made of bronze, but of flesh and blood.
~ The angel moved near them. Their eyes were upon each other. If they were aware of he angel, they gave no clue. She whispered to the love-struck pair, "I give you one hour. One hour to live and experience what those who have passed under you have experienced. Explore the garden. You are free to do anything you desire." With that the angel vanished, but her voice spoke once again, "Go, you have one hour."
~ Hand in hand, their naked bodies bathed in bright moon light, they disappeared behind some shrubs. There was some rustling and harmonized laughing coming from the bushes. For a few minutes the rustling became frenzied. Then all was quiet save for a sigh from the woman. Shortly they emerged from he shrubbery and returned to the entrance to the garden. Their bodies glistened in the sweat of their actions of only minutes ago. Their loving eyes were glazed, and yet still looking deeply into the other's eyes.
~ The angel reappeared beside them. She could readily see that the man was still in a state of desire. The wanton look of the woman's face spoke the same of her. She spoke softly to the pair, "That took only a half hour. You still have thirty minutes left. Thirty minutes to do anything you so desire. Go, and enjoy." With that the angel faded from view.
~ With a blushing giggle the man said to the woman. "Was it good for you, too?" he asked. She nodded and moved closer to him.
~ "Should we do it again?" he said timidly to her.
~ "Yes. Yes." she replied. She turned and began to run back to the bushes where they had experienced ecstasy earlier. He ran hurriedly after her.
~ She exclaimed, "This time you hold the pigeon and I'll shit on it!"
~
(Holds up laughter cue card.)
~
As it turns out, I left that neighborhood behind without further incident. It wasn't the first time I have been pelted by bird doo-doo, and it certainly won't be the last. But I couldn't help but wonder how that blue jay would feel if I were to "tag" him!
~
No.189

I Tot I Taw A Puddy Tat!

~
I assume that the Garfield comic strip by Jim Davis recently turned twenty-seven years-old. (Too lazy to research, thus I run the risk of making an ass of u and me.) That has been a recent recurring theme about our lovable lasagna-eating feline. The strip of June 16, in particular struck a chord with me.
~
~ There are three panels in which Garfield is seen lying on his back. The thought balloons were as follows:
Panel 1: "27...Where do the years go?"
Panel 2: "If only I could turn back the hands of time..."
Panel 3: (he is smiling) "And take all those naps all over again."
~
From this we gather that Garfield would not change a thing in his life if he had the chance. It's an often discussed and debated topic. Would we change anything if we were able to go back in time? It is easy to say yes, but we tend to qualify it. We add the caveat: "If I knew what I know now, back then."
~
I'm afraid, however, that that is not in the contract. That is not how the question was given. (Would you change anything in your life, if you had the chance?)
~
Myself, I have made a few mistakes. (But then again too few to mention - oops! Sorry, Frank.) There are a lot of things I would like to have turned out differently. But don't we all? I guess after all is said and done, my life and how it turned out isn't so bad.
~
Twenty-seven is an interesting age on which to focus. When I turned twenty-seven I had been to college, served four years in the Navy, gotten married, and had a one-year-old daughter. While monetary and material things could have made our life better back then, we are none the worse today.
~
No, I wouldn't change a thing as the question was posed. Now insert that caveat; you bet your sweet ass I would!
~
No.187
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Fractured Etymology No.8

~
( The Pointmeister realized that he hasn't shared any words from his dictionary since April. Here are a few more gems from that tome. )
~

1. Broker - what you will be if you invest unwisely in the stock market
2. Coincide - the edge of a dime
3. Compost - already written; past tense of compose
4. Conspiracy - scamming Blackbeard out of his treasure
5. Contour - when a new prisoner is shown around the facility
6. Countermand - when wait-staff in a Deli is ready to work
7. Dismay - as opposed to last May
8. Feline - where you stand for hours to pay your auto registration
9. Flagrant - a patriotic homeless person
10. Hardware - a helmet
11. Larceny - being a fan of The Far Side comic strip
12. Marina - a female marine
13. Oxymoron - that dude who sells Oxy cleaner on TV infomercials
14. Past tense - go by a campsite
15. Piston - much, much worse than pistoff
16. Posture - a picture of one's backside
17. Rectum - what happened to the two cars in the head-on collision
18. Transparent - a mom or dad who is in and out of the house
19. Upstart - the letter "U"
20. Violence - more than one fiddle

( When you least expect it, the Pointmeister will share some more of special words wih you. )

No.186

First Pets - The Zoo at 1600

~ ( This posting is especially for scnoodlepooh - a true animal lover. She thinks she has menagerie! )
~
Flipping through the two hundred or so channels available to me, I wasn't having much luck as usual to find something decent to watch. My journey through the menu of stations did land on "The Animal Planet." They were running a program devoted to the history of pets in the White House.
~ When not transfixed to the boob tube for at least entertainment, why not grab the opportunity to gather some information and facts to use in a blog? The White House at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, D.C., has been the home to quite a collection of pets over the years. While there has been plenty of normal pets, such as cats, dogs and birds, our Presidents and First Ladies and their families have also maintained a veritable A-to-Z zoo of exotic creatures. There have been wallabys, horses, rabbits, cattle, sheep and even an alligator.
~ Thomas Jefferson had two grizzly bear cubs, gifts from the Lewis and Clark expedition. John Quincy Adams for a brief time kept an alligator in the Presidential bath tub. Four feet long before it was sent to a zoo, it was a gift from Egypt. Abraham Lincoln had goats on the White House lawn, as well as a variety of cats and dogs for his children.
~ Teddy Roosevelt had parrots and macaws, as well as chickens and a rooster. There were also guinea pigs, snakes and even a hyena. President Taft kept a cow on the lawn. Wilson had a small flock of sheep which kept the lawn groomed. William Harding was the first President to be seen with a faithful dog at his side. Laddie Boy was Harding's Airedale. Calvin Coolidge had two well known dogs, Prudence Prim and Rob Roy. His administration also had a goose, donkey, lions, and a particularly nasty bobcat. Mrs. Coolidge was often photographed with a pet raccoon. King Tut, Herbert Hoover's German Shepherd, was at the time receiving more favorable press than his master.
~ One of the most famous and beloved of White House pets was Fala. Fala, FDR's Scottish Terrier was the first dog to be filmed with heads of state from around the world. So faithful was Fala to Roosevelt, when it died seven years after its master, it was interred with the President.
~ Camelot gave the country its most intimate look into the lives of a First Family. The Kennedy's did not disappoint when it came to pets. There were an assortment of rabbits, cats and dogs for John John and Caroline to play with. There was Charlie, a Welsh Terrier who fathered puppies with the more famous Bushinka. Bushinka had been a gift from the USSR. Bushinka had actually been one of many animals to have been launched into outer space by the Russians during the space race. No less famous were the kids' ponies, especially Caroline's Macaroni.
~ LBJ followed with his two highly visible beagles, Him and Her. Animal lovers everywhere went bonkers when Johnson picked them up by the ears during a live news conference. His successor, Richard Nixon gave us Checkers, a cocker spaniel. Gerald Ford brought to the White House a Siamese cat and Liberty, a Golden Retriever.
~ The movie star who would be President came to the White House without any pets. In a highly publicized fund raiser by school children, the Reagans were presented with a puppy. The Gipper said the dog was Lucky and thus it was so named. Mr. Reagan declared Lucky as the first "official" White House pet. The puppy grew up fast and quite large. It was often filmed quite literally dragging Nancy helplessly behind. Eventually lucky was sent to their ranch and a new dog, a King Charles Spaniel named Rex was introduced.
~ George Bush introduced us to Millie, a Springer Spaniel. Millie, with Barbara Bush's help, had a best selling book. Millie had six puppies, one of which would return to the White House a few years later. Bill Clinton arrived initially with only daughter Chelsea's cat Socks. Socks was one of the most photographed and filmed of all Presidential pets. In his second term amidst the pall of scandal, Clinton received the companion he is most associated with, Buddy, a chocolate brown Labrador. Not to be outdone by Millie before them, the Clinton pets also had a best selling book "Dear Socks, Dear Buddy."
~ The current administration gives us not one, but two sons of former White House residents. George W. came aboard with Spot, the son of Millie. We are more familiar, however, with Barney, the Scottish Terrier which is often seen with the President. Barney was soon joined by another Scottie, a female named Mrs. Beasley.
~ You can't really say the White House has gone to the dogs. It's gone to animals all! Indeed, the "White Zoo" at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., just might be one of the most famous of animal habitats, for man and beast alike!
~
No.185
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Time Wounds All Heels

~
Chagrin is the operative word to describe today. They have a saying here in New England: "If you don't like the weather, wait a minute." Much to my chagrin, that saying took on a life of its own. Fresh (after a shower, of course) on the heels of two humid days of 90+ degrees, Mother Nature got a little cantankerous today.
~ Now it was forecast that there would be a change in the temperatures today, but it would occur after sunset. Since it was overcast the whole day, I'm not so sure the sun even rose. Despite the shrouded sky, it did approach the high 80s with no appreciable relief as to humidity. The Meteorologist, weatherman is so oxymoronic, standing in front of his map in his all-too neat three-piece suit, assured us there would be no change until the evening.
~ Well, his assurances and a dime left me seventy-five cents short for a cup of coffee. Like many people I was dressed for 90, not 47! Shorts and a tee-shirt, my friend, are inadequate for the most hearty of us when there is such a drastic drop in the mercury. Even though I was prepared in a sense, I had a pair of jeans, long-sleeve shirt and a wind-breaker in a bag in my truck, I was inside an apartment building when the summer turned to autumn.
~ The 43 degree drop happened in about a half hour. The wind-driven drizzle made the trip from an air-conditioned apartment to my truck an arduous one to say the least. It seemed strange, although necessary, to switch from a/c to heat while I was settling behind the wheel. The milk shake that I had been craving had by then become a distant memory. Visions more in the line of meat loaf or pot roast had taken over the lead in the lunch pool.
~ The Time Machine ~
Obviously, I survived the day, despite the weather, as evidenced by the entry of this posting. Okay. Okay! You got me! This was actually posted tomorrow, I just put today's date on it because by tomorrow I forgot to post it today. There is an advantage to this kind of posting. I now have from today until tomorrow to edit it, if I choose. By waiting until tomorrow, I am under no obligation to post anything today.
~ Now the idea for this posting actually occurred yesterday. You probably missed that posting, because I edited it the day after tomorrow into what you are reading the day before yesterday. Now, if you wish this to be clarified, kindly make a comment as of yesterday, and by tomorrow I will have gotten back to you, post haste by the way. That way you will have your answer today.
~
There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She started one day
In a relative way,
And came back on the previous night.
(-Anonymous)
( I like that Limerick, I should have authored it. By the way the title of this blog is also a quote by Jane Ace. )
~
No.184
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When The Lights Went Out

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Actually, the lights didn't go out! It was Comcast! In the blinking of an eye I lost it! All, that is. I lost it all! It was with neither a whimper nor a roar. It was just a ... ' POOF!' ... There is an eerie silence on a battlefield after the last shot is fired. There is that horrible moment in a play when at your cue, you freeze and forget your line...the other actor is waiting to deliver his or her line ... the audience too is a part of a pregnant pause.
~ And then there is that instant between key-strokes, that for an inexplicable nano-second you realize you are lost in cyber space. You still have the site on your screen but something isn't right. Then you realize that someone is frying something in grease in the next room. Wait a minute! The next room is the living room! It was definitely Comcast! That frying was the static of your TV set without an in-coming cable signal. The phenomenon know as "white noise" had replaced the post game program.
~ Someone in another part of the house shouts "Hey! We lost the phone!" No doubt about it, it was Comcast! They were talking when ... ' Poof!' ... The phone was dead.
~ The cable was out! The phone was out! The internet was out! We were suddenly cut off from the world. We were isolated. Was it like this in a lifeboat when the Titanic slipped beneath the cold waters of the Atlantic? Was it like this for the Donner party, lost in Death Valley?
~ Obviously the situation was not quite that dire. Sure, we lost our life line to the outside world, but all was not lost. We did have electricity. We could see. Yes, we could see clearly that it was Comcast! Comcast doesn't do lights. But Comcast does do cable, telephone and internet!
~ I was in the middle of posting a comment to schnoodlepooh's latest posting. It was at the very moment that I had pressed "publish" that we were so rudely cut off from the world. We have been through this before, and as such were prepared to act out our "In-case-of-emergency-contingency-plan." Please don't try this at home and especially not without adult supervision. Step one: turn off computers; Step two: turn off TV's; and Step three: go to bed early. Hey, I know these are drastic measures, but why should we waste time idly doing nothing? If you are going to waste time, it should be productively like watching TV, and talking on the phone, and of course being on the computer! We are not savages! After all, it was Comcast!
~ As suddenly as the crisis had begun ...' Poof!' The TV sprung back to life! There was a dial tone! And the lights were all green on the modem. ' Poof!' The comment I had attempted to publish, published! Suddenly all was right with the world. (sigh) It was Comcast.
~
No.183
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The Auction

~
I was awakened abruptly at 8:30 Am Saturday morning and was informed that we were going to an auction. Half awake I muttered a reasonable facsimile of ..."What?...Where?...When?" On my feet and stumbling I managed a muffled "What's this WE stuff?" It's not easy splashing cold water in your face and drink a cup of coffee at the same time. The trick is to remember the correct sequence. Splash! Sip! Slurp! Sip! Aarrghh!
~ The smell of coffee in my moustache ultimately was my co-pilot as I navigated the seven miles to the auction which was to start at 10AM. I was dismayed to see a full lot, as a full lot meant competition.
~ A failed sports bar was the subject of the auction. There were four hundred TV sets, eight pool tables, sports memorabilia, and neon beer signs up for grabs. Of particular interest to me was one of five 40-inch-plus high definition television sets. I had no reason to think that other people, especially the mostly male crowd, would also be interested in HDTV's.
~ As I sat through a stream of various autographed hockey sticks, photographs and even the bright yellow hood of a NASCAR vehicle emblazoned with "Tide," I was glad the other objects were drawing bids. My reasoning was that if they blew $575 for a car hood, they wouldn't have enough left for the TV sets.
~ There were quite a few items on the docket before the first of my items were due, so I took a walk through the huge club. I noticed that no one else seemed to be paying attention to the large screen sets. This was good. So as not to tip my hand, I decided not to inspect them too closely. Of course, it occurred to me that the others were probably acting likewise.
~ I stopped at a couple of the regulation pool tables, dreamily picturing them in my house. It was roughly the same size as the dining room set. Wisely, I dispelled that thought. Besides, I wasn't ready to go to my own funeral, and certainly not as the center piece! I decided to be thankful that a big screen TV was acceptable booty.
~ Finally, the first of the televisions was up for bids. I was able to get in two bids before a bidding frenzy took over the proceedings. My $500 was quickly dwarfed by four other bidders. It went off at $2000, almost half the price for a brand new one. So it was with the next two sets.
~ Now the fourth set was the prize I desired the most. It was a Sony 52-inch HDTV. Knowing that the other ones had sold well beyond my ceiling, I held little hope for this one too. I did manage to flash three bids this time.
~ I turned to my future son-in-law sitting with my daughter behind me. I shrugged my shoulders. He shook his head as I reached up to remove my reading glasses. From the bidding from my turned head, I could tell that two people were bidding against each other in $100 increments. Placing my glasses in my shirt pocket, I turned to watch the action. It was then I realized that my movements had been taken as bids. A bidding war had been waging between me and a man across the room. I had the current highest bid at $1500!
~ They say that your life passes before your eyes when you are at death's door. I could see it now, my obituary was being written right that moment. Thankfully the other man bid $1600 just before the auctioneer could say "Sold!" I froze then and there. In suspended animation, I moved nary a muscle. I had to ignore an itch beside my nose. I was holding my breath. "Sold at $1600 to the man on the left." With that weight off my shoulders, I slipped away my tail tucked between my legs. There were fifteen items to go before the fifth and final set would be up for bids.
~ Outside, the winning bidder came up to me. "I'm glad you bowed out." he said. "That was my limit." I told I had reached my limit too. I wished him luck with his TV and went outside for some fresh air. There was no way that I was going to tell him that he could have it at $600. He wouldn't be a happy camper if he knew my shuffling in my seat had cost him a grand!
~ Needless to say, number five also went off beyond my limit. Since my daughter and her fiancee were interested in a couple of items, I decided to sit with them for a while longer. I shifted in my seat to get comfortable and rubbed my shoulder on the spot of an old injury. "Sold for $50 to the gentleman in the back!"
~ I had just been the sole bidder on something at fifty bucks! For what, I had no idea. I handed my bidding card and the money to my daughter. I told them I would wait for them outside. Twenty minutes later they emerged. She was carrying a bag I assumed to be my "prize." The two of them were laughing. That didn't bode well, I thought. But I had learned a lesson, and I had learned it well. I would never go to an auction unless I was shackled to a chair.
~ Shortly, we left in our separate vehicles. They had come out empty-handed. The neon Samuel Adams beer signs had gone off for more than he was willing to pay. As they went to their house one way, I went the opposite to my own home. I had some explaining to do, that was for sure! I could hear it then, "You paid $50 for that?!" With the Beatles' "Can't Buy Me Love" on the radio I followed my hood homeward.
~
...By the way, anyone interested in a likeness of Arnold Palmer made out of dried raisins?
~
No.182
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Emergency Blogcasting System

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This is a test of the Emergency Blogcasting System. Had this been an actual emergency, this site would be providing you with up to date emergency URL's, phone numbers and instructions for your area.
~
In order to find out just what services will be available to you, please wait until the next emergency. If you tune in here and find that there is no information, there is probably no emergency. If you tune in here and get nothing but static, then the emergency is serious and we have all gone home. If you tune in here but cannot get an internet connection, you may very well be the sole survivor.
~
In the event of a nuclear attack, kindly place your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye!
~
This concludes this test of the Emergency Blogcasting System.
~
No.181
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